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Wednesday, November 7, 2018

Jimmy Kimmel told people that Kid Rock won a Senate seat and they were not chillin' the most

Posted By on Wed, Nov 7, 2018 at 10:24 AM

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Late night comedian Jimmy Kimmel sure is a funny dude. But when he took to the streets during his election special Tuesday night to deliver some Michigan polling results, we'll admit that we were very triggered.

As part of Jimmy Kimmel Live's recurring skit Lie Witness News, he delivered, appropriately, the Kid Rock The Vote edition of the beloved segment. Repurposing footage of Rock's stump speech from his nauseating 2017 Senate run (read: publicity stunt) as a victory address, Kimmel's street team convinced unsuspecting folks that Kid Rock had beat Debbie Stabenow in Michigan's special election after running with the campaign slogan of "Smell my fingers, no new taxes." Surprisingly, the people of Los Angeles were not amused but good god were they confused.

"Why would I want to smell your fingers?"

What's on Senator Rock's fictitious agenda? Lower the age to buy scratch-off lottery tickets to 10 years old (for college tuition,) legalize and tax crystal meth (for medicinal purposes,) and, also, no fatties. That's right. No fatties.

As it turns out, no one knows Kid Rock's real name (which is Robert James Ritchie, by the way.) It's not Mudd Critterson, Gilmer Creekwater, Boone Tippins, or Trigger Blumpkin as these fortunate L.A. folks were lead to believe because unlike us, they have not been infected with Kid Rock facts.

"Senator Buddy Humpson, I am disgusted and appalled that you won."

So are we, dude. So are we.

Watch the clip below.

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