Friday, October 19, 2012

City Slang: The Detroit Tigers – Our American League Champions

Posted By on Fri, Oct 19, 2012 at 8:36 AM

Man, how good did that feel? I mean, we didn’t just beat the big-spending, big-ego Yankees, we swept them. We literally handed them their asses and made them say thank you.

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Yankee fans will point to the fact that Jeter got injured early in the series, that they were the victim of a bad call, and that A Rod didn’t show up but, c’mon, you’d think that big money would buy some depth. As for the bad call – yup, it was out. HA! Oh well. That will still make me laugh deep into next season.

The sight of big Prince lumbering up like a big, beautiful man mountain to take that final catch was glorious. What is it about that guy that makes me want to cuddle him? He just looks so comfy. Obviously the starting pitcher rotation kicked ass, and Miggy left if late to hit a post season homer but he seems to have woken up now. And then there’s Phil Coke.

I love this dude. I dunno, Papa Grande is cool and all but all those ticks and ritualistic moves he makes before pitching just make me nervous, and that’s the last thing you need from your closer. Coke steps up and just looks like he’s ready to get shit done. He also has a Kenny Powers look about him, which is awesome. When Fielder caught that final out, he looked ready to shout “You’re fucking OUT.”

Enough of my hootin’ and hollerin’. Here’s what a few Detroit musos said about our hopes for the World Series. The fuckin’ World Series, peeps.

Mark Frankhouse, singer with Five X, says, “Look for Benoit and Coke showing up in big ways. Strong pitching and clutch hitting in scoring opportunities are gonna be the key. Rawr!!!”

Jesse Shepherd-Bates of Jesse & the Gnome says, “My knee-jerk reaction is to say it depends who they face in the World Series, but the more I think about it, the more I think it doesn't matter who they face. The Tigers have that 'team of destiny' air about them this postseason. The starting pitching staff has been absolutely unbelievable, and the role players are stepping it up at the perfect time. Delmon "Mr. October" Young has woken up after his yearlong nap, Jhonny "Looks Like a Woodchuck" Peralta has decided to hit the ball when he swings the bat (a notion he seemed to ignore for the bulk of the regular season), and Phil "Less Trade Value Than a Sandwich" Coke has proved to be a more consistent closer than Valverde. They're winning the World Series in six or less, guaranteed.”

Guaranteed, huh? Let’s not push it, sir.

Jeremy Porter, of Jeremy Porter & the Tucos, says, “I'm expecting the Cards (or Giants) to put up a better fight than the Yanks did. I think the Tigers will rise to the occasion, but I won't rest easy until it's over. It's a great time to be a Tigers fan - let's finish this!”

Mark Paul of Golden Torso says, “The Tigers are going to take the series in 5 games, at home. The next day, after all abandoned structures have been torn down by the hands of rabid fans, half of Oakland county will move to Detroit and set up encampments in the city in order to repopulate it. New houses and skyscrapers will be constructed, returning the city to its former glory and corporate money will begin to flow in. Phil Coke, whom Dan G. from The Meat Men and I have been trying to party with since he was traded here, will be appointed Water Board Commissioner and will hold weekly wet t-shirt contests to raise money to get all of the street lights fixed. President Obama will name the entire team to his cabinet, except Delmon Young who will be named the Special Envoy to Israel, and Slow's NC Sauce will replace the Dollar as our national Currency.”

Sounds good.

Finally, Daniel Gillies of the Meatmen/Chapstik, says, “I want to hang out with Phil Coke. Tigers were tough to watch this year, but it's all coming together at the right time. Tigers in five.”

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