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Thursday, March 5, 2009

Men With No Meat

Posted By on Thu, Mar 5, 2009 at 2:04 AM

Day one of the 2009 Metro Times Blowout Festival at the Majestic Theater and Magic Stick produced a mixed bag of music, both in terms of style and quality, though it produced an equal amount of questions and theories:

If Beastie Boy Mike D joined the B-52's, how much would that band sound like the Electric Fire Babies?

One man hip-hop-meister Fluent's hands were so animated during his early performance, rumors began to circulate (admittedly started by me) that it was he who controlled the puppet stars of the Gepetto Files show.

Is it more accurate to describe Child Bite as the Dead Kennedys with saxophone, or Parliament Funkadelic with power chords and beards?

Are the Gepetto Files available for childrens parties?

Octopus have five members and therefore ten legs, which is two too many. They actually have 20 limbs, which is way over quota. Did they really think they’d get away with that?

Is Detroit the only city in the world that would have a fitness exhibition on a festival bill, while onlookers casually sup their beers? (Answer – probably. Good for us.)

How can a man who looks like a white Urkel (namely Wrong Numbers singer Jason) sound like a white Stevie Wonder?

Are Silverghost or Lightning Love the quirkiest, most saccharine-sweet pop act on the Blowout bill? Guess we’ll find out after LL’s set on Saturday. Silverghost certainly raised the (candy) bar pretty high tonight.

Does anyone really think the Meatmen are funny, or even offensive, anymore? Think the Beatles are shit, do you, boys? How cutting edge. How about laying into the Dave Clark 5? Apparently the Monkees were just actors. Have a go at them. Tesco Vee and his crew shout, swear and just aren’t very good. Plus, racism is never funny. Not big, not clever.

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