Best Of 2014

Best Way for Matty Moroun to Convince Us He Has a Soul: Die

Shakespeare once wrote, “If you prick us, do we not bleed?” We wondered: Would the 86-year-old billionaire bleed? We wanted readers to offer answers that could prove Matty Moroun is, in fact, a real person, a man made of skin and bones, who, we could then assume, has actually felt a genuine emotion before. For a while now, we weren’t entirely sure that was case. So, our readers felt, what better way for the ostensibly soulless ghoul to prove us wrong by kicking the bucket once and for all. There would likely be a funeral where, we can assume, some may say a few nice things about Moroun. His epitaph could read: “Here lies Manuel ‘Matty’ Moroun, Man with Soul.”