You won’t know till you try

Nov 14, 2001 at 12:00 am
* I just read the question about the couple who have tried for a year to conceive. You should have also advised the male to be checked for a sperm count. I found out at age 30 that I was sterile due to being a Mosaic XXY Klinefelter male. The odds of being an XXY is about 1 in 500, so it is fairly common. Most men don't know about the genetic condition until they try to conceive.

* You recently had a letter from a woman who was concerned about her husband who surfs porn sites featuring young teenage girls. As a former children's protective social worker for 14 years, I would say this guy definitely has a problem. He's hooked on very young girls in sexually provocative situations. If I were his wife, I'd be looking into therapy and a good divorce lawyer.

* Please tell the woman who was "mildly dissatisfied" with her 34B breasts to do some research. Anyone who is "not so insecure [to be] willing to have sacks of poisonous silicone inserted in her body" but who is willing to ingest "hormone pills" to increase her breast size might just need to have her head examined. Breast implants have not been filled with silicone for years. They are saline — which is benign to the body if the implant ruptures, and easier to detect, as escaping liquid makes the implant deflate faster than silicone, which could leak in small amounts, undetected for years. I got my own implants, which took me from less than a 38B to a 38D, just over seven years ago, and I've never had a problem. One final thought, if she's dissatisfied with her body as it is, implants might not help her. In my own case, I was happy with my breast size, but I increased my front to match my very wide back and shoulders, making me more balanced overall. My doctor said that one of the reasons I'm so thrilled with the results is because I had realistic expectations at the start. As with everything else in your column, research is key. Thanks for helping to inform millions. It's appreciated.

* This is in response to the woman whose bust size was (barely) 34B and wanted to naturally enlarge them. I am an 18-year-old female with a bustline that measures a 38I, naturally. Yes, an I, as in G, H, I. I have had these since I was 13. They are the bane of my existence and the source of endless back and spinal problems. I have to spend exorbitant amounts of money on custom-made bras, not to mention chiropractor's bills. Reduction is not an option if I want to nurse whatever children I may have. The point of all of this is, larger breasts are more of a problem than they are worth. I would be more than happy to be blessed with a B-cup. Trust me, there is more to a person than their cup size.

* To the gentleman who is asking women for a standard excuse when that undesirable guy asks you out: I have encountered only one woman who was honest enough to say "no, thanks." The majority of women have been telling me they have a boyfriend already. Probably half the women are telling the truth. The other half say this as a roundabout letdown, which is fine since it gives me the opportunity to go and talk to someone else. What I don't understand is why a woman will talk to a guy all night and then give a false phone number. Then there are the women who give the right number but, when you call, give you the cold shoulder. My only conclusion is that these types of women are only looking for a free drink or two. Women complain that there are no more nice guys out there. When you do things like this, you turn us into the bad boys.

* I am extremely bitter, hateful and full of rage due to the fact that I am 38 years old, childless and never married. I have never been sexually molested. There is no coming to terms with not being behind bars and in solitary confinement. I have remained childless because it is amoral to bear children out of wedlock. I have remained unmarried because all women who I have encountered have children, former loves and "friends." I and no one else could be cheerful in this dismal situation.

I believe you have it backwards. You are unmarried and childless because you are bitter, hateful and full of rage, not the other way around. When you change your attitude, you may well change your status. —Isadora Isadora Alman is a board-certified sexologist and a California-licensed marriage-and-family therapist. Contact her via this paper or [email protected]. Her Sexuality Forum is at