What’s your excuse?

Q: I was hoping you would have some solutions to the complex issues in my relationship with my girlfriend. We've been seeing each other for almost two years. For the first three months we had sex several times a day on the weekends with her often initiating it. Since that time, we still see each other only on the weekends but she has no desire to have sex at all. I have a healthy libido (I could, but don't need to, have sex every day) and am very much turned on by her and care for her so this is very frustrating for me. I know she is physically capable of being aroused sexually and I am able to give her an orgasm every time we do have sex. She has said the reasons she has no desire, among others that I realized were excuses, are: we have sex more often than she ever had with any of her previous partners, they weren't able to give her orgasms so she isn't used to such "frequent" pleasure, and I am too eager — I'm not a "challenge" for her. Knowing this, we avoided having sex for a month and she still wasn't interested. She is not the affectionate type and I am, so having sex with her is about the only time we have physical contact. We have made a compromise to have sex once each week on the weekend (she refuses to have sex during the week), but I am feeling awful knowing she isn't interested as she often shows her reluctance. Therapy and drugs are not an option so I am asking you what possible solutions you might advise? What are the options as you see them?

A: For one of you to change desire levels is the only solution I can see. One thing that might take some of the pressure off sex is to increase the amount of nonsexual touching between you through dancing or massage ... even wrestling, unless she is willing to make an attempt to be more demonstrative with her affection. Second, brainstorm with her about her reasons, or, as you see them, "excuses," and how you might alter them. If she expresses no desire to enhance her libido with drugs or therapy or any other method you have to decide whether you can live indefinitely on short rations or need to move on. Libidos are not often known to spontaneously arise from the ashes, like a phoenix, without some major change somewhere.
Q: I am an adult baby, and have been wearing diapers, rubber pants and adult-sized baby clothes for many years. I am also a listed roster member of the Diaper Pail Friends Club in California. My question is this: as DPF's prices have increased over the past several years I find myself comparison shopping for low-coast alternatives. Some time ago I received a catalog from Carolyn's Kids, a Massachusetts-based mail-order adult baby clothes distributor. I've since lost the catalog and address and was hoping you could help me track them down as well as suggesting any other adult baby clothes manufacturers/distributors.

A: I wasn't able to locate Carolyn's Kids, if it still exists, (readers?) but a Web search for adult babies turned up numerous sources for such clothing, much of it made to order, and a surprising number of outlets located in Germany. (Have we discovered a national kink?) If you are web savvy look at www.fetware.com and www.ab-shopping.com. As for ordering from catalogs, I could find none in the United States, but the following are at least in English: Forever A Kid, P.O. Box 1160, Enderby, British Columbia, Canada VOE 1VO and Knickernet 113-115 George Lane, South Woodford, London E18 1AB. Be sure to use the correct postage and include an international money order for catalog mailing costs.

Q: I consider myself straight, although I do feel relaxed from time to time wearing women's lingerie. However, I find myself being aroused whenever I talk to women and they mention how they like to see two men having sex together. I exchange pictures with the women, and kind of feel as though I am sharing with their fantasy, yet I personally don't find my own sex attractive. What is your opinion about this?
A: I'm not sure what you want of me here. If you're a regular reader of my column you know you're not going to get any finger-waving judgements from me. Are you looking for a label? If you don't want to have sex with another man then you're probably not homosexual. If you enjoy "relaxing" in women's clothing you probably are, at least to some extent, a transvestite. As for finding the idea of a woman's being turned on by male same-sex behavior hot, well, so you do. Some folks are turned on by much stranger images than that. Isadora Alman is a licensed marriage counselor and a board-certified sexologist. You can reach her online at her Sexuality Forum (www.askisadora.com) or by writing to her care of this paper. Alas, she cannot answer questions

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