Three times the fun

May 29, 2002 at 12:00 am
Q: I am a 28-year-old female involved in the most loving and promising relationship of my life. I now find myself faced with a conflict. About three months ago my boyfriend and I experimented with a threesome. We invited a well-endowed, handsome friend of ours into our bed to please me sexually. It was an amazing experience and I haven't been able to forget it. I had two men at once working each of my erogenous zones to give me the most intense orgasm I have ever known. It was supposed to be the only time we would ever have a threesome, but I enjoyed it so much that I crave it again. One-on-one sex is now boring and unsatisfying. I can't have orgasms as easily or as strongly anymore. I want to keep my boyfriend, but also want to regularly invite others to join us in bed. How do I propose this without him becoming self-conscious about his solo performance? Is there a way to have a loving relationship and to have many men please me sexually at the same time?

A: "How ya gonna keep them down on the farm, after they've seen Paree?" Whoops, I just broke into a bit of World War II song and dance that seemed too appropriate to resist. Your letter illustrates one of the very real dangers of experimental sex play. If what you want is more, then you'll just have to risk asking for it, taking the gamble that your guy won't feel insulted. He may then want to experiment with threesomes including two females as well. There are people in open relationships; there are also swingers who have managed to arrange for themselves the setup you want. Whether you can have it with this boyfriend remains to be negotiated. By the way, we all have way more than two erogenous zones on our bodies. Once you discover just how many you do have, all hell might break loose!

Q: I am a heterosexual 51-year-old male professional with an average-sized penis who, like most other men, would love to have a large penis. Although I am realistic and understand that in a committed, intimate relationship size may not be that important, I still want a big one! I have always envied the well-endowed guys at the health club calmly flaunting their huge flaccid penises while the rest of us display our soft little gherkins — and that's about 90 percent of us. No matter what anyone says, a big dick makes a big statement among the guys (and to most women as well). It's a huge equalizer. I am truly saddened that modern medicine has mastered the art of breast enlargement for women but has failed miserable to find a safe, permanent, fully functional penis-enlargement procedure for men. It's just not fair! Women can go to a plastic surgeon flat-chested and miserable and come out with luscious breasts that look delectable when clothed or unclothed. The best plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills could not make my svelte six inches into a fat nine inches for a million dollars! Do you know of any means of safe, effective penis enlargement on the horizon beside the plethora of hoaxes that exist now?

A: No, I don't. Some men report good, long-lasting results by regular, careful programs of pumping or stretching, but then there have been many reports of disappointments and injuries. (Exit humming: "You can't always get what you waaa-nt.")

Q: There is this guy I know. He knows who I am. I like him and I don't know if he likes me. I keep having dreams of us having sex. What should I do?

A: You could get to know him better so that he more than just knows who you are and might even grow to like you. If you are as young as you sound, that should be enough for a while. You can also enjoy your sleep. Erotic dreams are presents from Mother Nature. Isadora Alman, author of Doing It: Real People Having Really Good Sex, is a board-certified sexologist and a California-licensed marriage-and-family therapist. Contact her at [email protected]. Her Sexuality Forum is at