The great movie resale!

You don't have to wear sunglasses at night to notice the flood of old-school chestnuts — such as The A-Team and The Karate Kid — at your nearest multiplex. Everything '80s is totally rad and gnarly-to-the-max in Tinseltown these days, with such cash cows as G.I. Joe and Transformers helping flick on the green light for all artifacts from the Al Franken decade. With everything from Tron, to the Smurfs to the freaking Thundercats in the hopper, it won't be long before the studios have successfully strip-mined our childhood memories for every last nickel of box-office coin. In honor, we've cobbled together a few quick pitches for a few thus-far neglected favorites that'd surely turn a dime at the old B.O. 

Gimmie a Break

Academy Award winner Monique tenderly channels the late, great Nell Carter in this poignant exploration of racial inequality and the quest for understanding. 


Remember these toys that were half creepy-crawly insects, half cyborg warriors? Don't worry, nobody else does either, but slap Orlando Bloom on top of a CGI dragonfly and that's money in the bank, baby. 

Small Wonder

Kristen Stewart brings her smoldering sensuality and robotic delivery to the role she was made for: Vikki the mischievous android who dreams of love. 


In this update of the newspaper staple, America's sweetheart Sandra Bullock gets to work out her lingering off-screen relationship issues by slipping on a comfy red sweater, scarfing some chocolate, and just hating the shit out of Mondays.


Irrepressible playboy and secret agent Owen Wilson uses his shape-shifting power to transform into a leopard, and goes hunting for butt-licking cougars. Natch!

Scroll to read more Movies articles


Join Detroit Metro Times Newsletters

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.