Ring in the new

Dec 26, 2001 at 12:00 am

I know, you've made resolutions about sex or relationships a thousand times before, even if it was something as basic as "Gawd, I'll never do that again!" But you did, didn't you? And the results were the same, racked with regret. Now here's the beginning of another year in which you will have yet another (several?) chances to get it right or make it better. I'm not going to offer a set of resolutions. That's a do-it-yourself project. What I am happy to do is share a selection of quotes and comments on our favorite subjects. Perhaps one or more will enlighten or inspire you to make a decision that this time you will stick with and be rewarded for your efforts ... or at the very least, induce a laugh. So ring out the old habits and ring in the new with a toast to good loving and satisfying connections for us all.

• Love is much nicer than ... an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. —Judith Viorst

• Too much is always better than not enough. —Anonymous

• There is only misfortune in not being loved; there is misery in not loving. —Albert Camus

• I have always set a high value on words, and have often made the mistake of believing in words far more than in actions. My heart (and my cunt) can be had for a pithy phrase, a good one-liner, a neat couplet or a sensational simile. —Erica Jong

• If you're going to walk on thin ice, you might as well skate. —Anonymous

• Among those whom I like or admire I can find no common denominator, but among those I love, I can: all of them made me laugh. —W.H. Auden

• Things aren't always made better because of change, but they never get better without it. —Anonymous

• We haven't crossed the subtle line between childhood and adulthood until we stop saying "It got lost" and say "I lost it." —Sydney Harris

• Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering she looks like a haddock. —John Barrymore

• When a woman reaches a certain level of intelligence she finds it almost impossible to get a husband as she can no longer listen without snickering. —Anais Nin

• When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive and most transient of passions they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part. —George Bernard Shaw

• Oh please, mailbox, contain a letter from someone I've totally forgotten about, who has never been able to forget me and wants to see me again, and will eventually turn out to be the person I'll fall in love with, and we'll get married and I'll be happy for the rest of my life. —cartoon by Sipress

• After you hose a woman, how long it takes before you go for a cigarette is a very important indication of your feelings for her. Normally it takes about 20 seconds after you come. If you take a minute and half, that means you feel a certain fondness for the girl. If it's as much as five minutes, it's love. —Kinky Friedman

• Love's Blindness: A Study Over Time. Week One: "You are so beautiful". Month One: "You are so beautiful." Year One: "There's goop in your eye." —cartoon by Hilary Price

• "Simon and I would love to go out. Who are you bringing?" "Me! I'm bringing me! My charm, my wit, my compassion, my conversation, my company, my insights, my energy, my perspective, my interests, my opinions and my sense of humor!" "But what person are you bringing?" "How great must a solo act get before it has the appeal of a mediocre duet?" —cartoon by Cathy Guisewite

• You see an awful lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. —Clint Eastwood

• Sex is like Thanksgiving turkey. It's not the size of the cavity that counts, it's the quality of the stuffing. —Anonymous

• Every relationship should have a kite and an anchor. The kite soars. The anchor stabilizes. The best relationships are those wherein the partners take turns being the kite and the anchor. —Tom Greensmith

• Never become involved with someone who can make you lose stature if the relationship becomes known ... sleep up. —Aristotle Onassis

• If you marry, you will regret it. If you do not, you will also regret it. —Soren Kierkegaard

• Women like silent men. The think they are listening. —Marcel Achard

• Sexiness in a woman is certainly a redeeming social value. —Peter Bogdanovich

• "What's the most exciting thing you've ever done?" "Gee, I sorta hoped I hadn't done it yet. —dialog from The Carpetbaggers Isadora Alman is a board-certified sexologist and a California-licensed marriage-and-family therapist. Contact her via this paper or [email protected]. Her Sexuality Forum is at