Readers respond

Nov 15, 2000 at 12:00 am
In response to the woman who complained of frequent vaginal pain between the ecstatic moments because her vagina is apparently shorter than her lover's penis: As a man with the same problem as her lover (i.e. as a fellow member of the Heavy Hung Society), I would like to offer a comment. My longtime sexmate experienced a similar discomfort until we recently tried fucking before her orgasm instead of after it. It seems that orgasms were causing her vaginal muscles to become restricted and tight, creating penetration problems, especially when I would thrust fully. Much better for her now that she's waiting to come until afterwards. Another trick: She now puts her thighs together while we fuck instead of wrapping her legs around me — a lot more comfortable and enjoyable, she says, even with full-thrust activity. As a matter of fact, she says she is now appreciating all of me for the first time. One more thing: Use lots of lubrication on both penis and vaginal opening.

l I am responding to the interchange between you and the lady with crotch-rot panties. As a woman with a very acidic (and healthy!) vagina myself, I plow through panties like crazy, saving only some of my less-destroyed pairs for that special time of the month. Acid in the vagina helps prevent conception. Sperm do not like acid and have difficulty traversing the birth canal in the thick of it. The tough little sperm that survives the journey into the ovary is most likely to turn out male. (I have produced a most healthy boy.) Predominantly alkaline conditions in the vagina support the sperm that will become female in utero. I am told that my vagina tastes like a combo of white wine and honey, so here's to crotch-rot!

l I think you missed the boat in your reply to "Pooped Out." The issue there wasn't that "he craves something that she's not keen on," and compromise is not the solution. She was willing to indulge his unusual tastes. The issue was that he was becoming increasingly controlling and demanding, feeling "terribly hurt" if she ever had a bowel movement without him watching, "expecting" her to put on a show for him when it interfered with her work, and becoming "increasingly obsessive" about what she

eats. She mentioned that he becomes very angry if she produces the wrong kind of stool. His desire for control is interfering with every aspect of her daily life. This is classic abuser behavior, even if it does currently revolve around an unusual topic. The fact that he is a pervert doesn't mean he's not also sick. You should have referred her to a domestic violence line or to counseling.

l As an anthropologist I would like to comment on the endless concern about penis length. Clearly, the longer the penis, the better the chance for conception. Thus, through natural selection, females have become hardwired to favor men with longer penises, and males have become hardwired to thrust as deeply as possible during coitus. On the other hand, sexual pleasure for the female, which is of relatively recent origin, is concentrated in the clitoris. Looking at the head of an erect penis, one sees that is it ideally suited to stimulate the clitoris. This suggests the need for very short strokes, at least until the female has reached climax. However, following basic instincts, males and females tend to favor long penises and deep strokes. While this does, indeed, increase the probability of conception, as nature intended, it typically leaves the female unsatisfied since her clitoris is in contact with only the penis shaft during most of the stroking.

Ideally, the male should bring the female to climax with very short strokes that penetrate only as far as the clitoris, letting the vagina lips open and close around the head of the penis. Only after female climax has occurred should he indulge himself in deep thrusting. This takes extraordinary control on his part to avoid premature ejaculation, and it suggests that males with very short penises may actually be more satisfying sexual partners since, for them, clitoris stimulation, may also be their longest stroke.

l This letter is in response to the two women who recently wrote about their problems with their partners' body hair. If they want to ask the partners to shave their body hair or, ridiculously, pay for laser removal, I hope they are equally solicitous when they are older and their husbands ask that they lose a few pounds, get breast augmentation, or tone their wattles. Of course, as a man, I recognize that objectifying physical appearance is more of a problem for women, but how can we truly move forward in this regard without considering the way that both sexes treat each other? Please tell these women to learn to deal with the hair or find a new partner. Don't torture these men by telling them you love them with all your heart ... but only if they have their hair removed. If these men are as wonderful as you say, I am certain they will have no trouble finding a partner who appreciates them for who they are and how they look.

Isadora Alman is a licensed marriage counselor and a Board-certified sexologist. You can reach her online at her Sexuality Forum ( or by writing to her care of this paper. Alas, she cannot answer questions individually.

Pull Quote: Orgasms were causing her vaginal muscles to become restricted and tight, creating penetration problems.