The trailer ends with a therapy session. "You can't change the past," whispers the psychiatrist. "You can't change the past," repeats Julie (Jennifer Love Hewitt), facing her reflection in the mirror. "What's done is done," she takes a deep breath and looks sad, as she will throughout the movie -- eyes wide open, lips moist, breasts triumphant.
Strangely enough, this scene doesn't make it into the film. Is it there merely to suggest that, at the end of this cinematic fiasco, we will be those in need of therapy? Maybe. One thing is certain: I Still Know What You Did Last Summer is all about cleavage.
The frightfully captivating plot runs like this: Julie on campus. Catholic nightmare with Julie's confession and the priest's reply, "I know what you did last summer." Scream. Reaction shot: the sensitive boy (Matthew Settle) who'd like to know if she's OK. Close-up on Julie's heaving chest. Cut to boyfriend (Freddie Prinze Jr.) tired of all this sensitivity. Cut to cool roommate (Brandy) on the phone with her favorite radio station. The contest. The question: What's the capital of Brazil? The (wrong) answer: Rio. The prize: an all-expense-paid Bahamas vacation. The suspicion: a prize for the wrong answer? The moral: Our kids don't know geography. The Bahamas: creepy hotels, strange personnel. Nightmare. Close-up on Julie's breasts in wet pajamas. Loud music. Close-up on Julie's breasts in racy cocktail dress. Exterior.
Night. Close-up on hook. First dead body. Extreme close-up on Julie's sad eyes with tilt down to her breasts. More bodies. Cut to boyfriend's encounter with man with hook. High-angle long shot of Julie in the rain: "You want me? Come and get me!" Close-up on breasts in wet T shirt. Close-up on hook. Cut to bleeding boyfriend holding people at gunpoint for a ride to the Bahamas. Loud storm -- nature participation. More panting. The Big Revelation (who's who). Happy end. With a twist.
Frightful sequel possibilities. Fade to black. And now, for our therapy session …
Send comments to [email protected].