Here’s to Mrs. Robinson

May 30, 2001 at 12:00 am
Q: I am a divorced woman of 42. Last summer, a neighborhood boy of 19 who was delivering something to my home accidentally caught me sunning nude on my patio. It was obvious that he had never seen a fully nude woman before. One thing led to another and we had sex. It was his first time. After that, we had sex many times. His ability to learn from an older, more experienced woman has given him sexual talents, patience and endurance far beyond others his age. He also satisfied my sexual needs when there was no one else in my life. He is gone now, off to school, and I hope that what I taught him will be a benefit to him as he pursues his love life. Somehow, though, I am beginning to feel guilty for what we did. I see his mother occasionally and I have to bite my tongue when she talks about him. Was what we did wrong?

A: It's done, in any case. If you decide it was wrong, all you can do it resolve not to do it again. If you decide, as I would, that what's done is done and make peace with it, you can keep it as a sexy memory for yourself in old age that we hope will also be his. By the way, if you bite your tongue in order not to blurt out "Hey, I seduced your son," keep on biting. But since you care, it's certainly acceptable to ask how a young man from the neighborhood is getting along away from home. Most mothers are happy to provide such information.

Q: My girlfriend and I have been together about six months. We have a good relationship and are strongly attracted to each other. We love hugging, kissing and other forms of sex play. By the time I enter her my girlfriend is so wet that I feel very little friction. After a while, my excitement wanes, as does my erection, and we end without either of us coming. Although we are both able to come through oral and manual stimulation, we both miss the intimacy of sexual intercourse. Do you have any advice on how to get it back?

A: There are positions for intercourse that provide a tighter fit. Try any rear-vaginal entry — doggy style or back-to-belly spoon fashion. If you prefer face-to-face sex, she might keep her thighs together as you enter between them; she also might put her legs up over your shoulders. However, nowhere is it written that sex must follow a prescribed course of kissing, hugging, caressing, oral sex, intercourse, orgasm. Can it not be kissing, caressing, intercourse, oral sex or manual sex, orgasm? Intercourse doesn't need to be left out of the activities just because it doesn't result in climax. Include it where you will and climax when you want to by methods that work for you both.

Q: I recently found out I contracted genital warts. The news hit me like a freight train. My sex drive has dissipated and I've come to associate sex with disease. Can you help me get over this association? If the doctor at the clinic was right and it is extremely common for this to happen, there must be some sort of STD dating service where people can match up. I do not want to infect anyone else and have them deal with this same predicament.

A: Get more information about your condition from the American Social Health Association STD Hotline, 800-227-8922. Ask at the clinic or call around various hospital services for support groups. Personal ads are a way of putting your "big secret" right out front so that you don't have to deal with disclosure later. Always use condoms and hold your head up; I promise life will seem brighter after the shock has worn off.

Q: My husband has a fantasy of us being with more than one partner. We have discussed it and I came up with the decision that it would be a bad idea for married people with children to try to incorporate it into family life. He said OK, but I can tell he is still interested because he says small things in reference to threesomes during our lovemaking. I now feel the necessity to watch him or doubt his whereabouts. Please help. Counseling is not an option for him. He says that's for crazy people.

A: Counseling also benefits those in marriages where one feels required to watch the other suspiciously and doubt his whereabouts. If his fantasy is the two of you in a threesome, what trouble is he going to get into without you? Really, you need to talk this out. Perhaps it's a fantasy he simply likes to play with during sex. If you receive such reassurances, maybe you could relax and play along ... in fantasy. Isadora Alman is a licensed marriage counselor and a board-certified sexologist. You can reach her online at her Sexuality Forum ( or by writing to her care of this paper. Alas, she cannot answer questions