Going to pot

Readers respond to advice on using pot to improve sex

I loved your advice to PROP. I am a 25-year-old woman with a healthy sex life, thanks to pot. I have a hard time relaxing and being comfortable with my naked body (although I’m attractive), but smoking weed alleviates my anxiety so I can get down. I don’t smoke every time I have sex, but it’s usually better when I do (for example, I come every time when I smoke, and usually do not come when I don’t). If someone thinks this could cause me harm, I’d like him or her to consider the harm that living life without sexual gratification can do. —I’m In Love With Mary Jane

Did you forget about the risks of smoking in general? Remember it IS linked with mouth, throat and lung cancer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little bit isn’t going to kill anyone … but who wants to risk cancer at 70, having had to smoke five times a week so they could get it on? Why not give better advice to consume THC in a less destructive way … like eating it! There are tons of recipes online and the effects are WAY better. —The Hungry Chica

I was reading the PROP question to my girlfriend, and we simultaneously said to each other, "She’s a dyke." In our opinion (due to our own experiences and observations) women who need to be high and/or drunk to enjoy sex with men may very well be lesbians.

Now, if PROP had said that his girlfriend got a special thrill out of stoned sex every once in a while, that would be a different matter. But, EVERY time? Hmmm. All I know is that before I accepted my cunt-loving ways, I needed drugs/alcohol EVERY time too, and so did my girlfriend. Just a thought. —Pussy Over Toking

Dan, good advice to PROP. A lot of people with lower-body nerve damage report increased sensation and function during sex after smoking pot. I’ve had a spinal-cord injury since I was a child, and the first time I had sex after smoking pot it was a revelation. I now have a medical cannabis prescription and wouldn’t fuck without it. —Banging On Nature’s Groove

Just a heads up to PROP, and you also, Dan: I know for a fact that his girlfriend is not the only woman out there who finds that pot is more effective than any other sexual aid — physical, chemical or psychological.

As is general knowledge, most women need specific mental stimuli to become aroused to the point of orgasm, above and beyond the physical (which for many men is sufficient). Stress, distractions or whatever can make it really hard for a woman to climax. Pot, by allowing her to tune into her own body and that of her lover, provides an ability to focus on and enjoy the physical stimuli, without the constant mental static ("Did I remember to take my pill today?" "Did he hear that I just farted?" "I have to pick up the kids at 8.").

For several "friends" of mine, sex without pot is good, sometimes great. With pot, it is almost always mind-blowing (in any position, I might add, and occasionally even without clitoral stimulation). PROP should relax. While it would be good to try to work with his GF on helping her relax and tune into sex more, in the meantime he should be glad we have pot, just as I am sure she would be glad we have Viagra, if that issue ever came up (or failed to) for him. —Personally, Orgasms Terrific

I wanted to weigh in on the pot-and-sex topic. My husband was kind of nervous about my use of substances prior to marriage, but we fucked so fast and furious that I was pregnant with twins way before our planned wedding date. I was clean through pregnancy and nursing, but always planned to smoke again after completing those joyful duties. My sweet and juicy husband was dubious and fearful, but after a year and a half of nursing, I went back to a couple of hits before sex, and lo and behold, the BEST orgasms (for both of us, I might add) occurred. My husband’s doubts and insecurities about the harmful effects of a little weed here and there went out the window! Whatever works, works. —EM

I thought I would share my experience of being married to a pot addict. My husband cannot quit on his own. He has to smoke it every day, or he becomes grumpy and irritable. Not wicked or abusive, but unhappy. He compares his need for it to hunger or thirst.

Is this like being married to an alcoholic? No! My stepdad was an alcoholic, and I know the difference! My sweetie is a fantastic guy stoned or sober, or I wouldn’t have married him. But PROP should know that it does affect our marriage. He was sober when I met him, and I miss that man sometimes. His sex drive is lower now. He’s stoned most evenings and I am not, which makes for weird conversations.

He is more fortunate than most of the other (self-described) potheads I know. Pot hasn’t killed his ambition as it seems to have in many of my friends. He has a job that it doesn’t interfere with. Also, at his request, I hide it each morning so that he can’t smoke until the evening. (Several of our friends have wished out loud that I could do the same for them.) These are things I can deal with. In fact, I am happy with him. In our third year together, I love him more each day, and he recently said the same to me. But PROP needs to know these things up front, so he can make an informed choice. It’s not the life for everyone, and it sounds like it’s bothering him. —Anonymous

I usually think your advice to readers is pretty well-thought-out, but your attitude about pot smoking and sex really was too cavalier. Did you even bother to consider that PROP and his girlfriend may have sex twice a day? Smoking pot twice a day may be great for their sex life, and may help prevent a number of ailments, but how are these people going to support themselves if they are stoned all the time? Even if they "only" have sex once or twice a week, do you really think getting stoned every time they screw is the best answer for them? Ever think of giving them advice that improves the psychology behind toe-curling sex, instead of turning the situation solely into a pro-pot forum?

Lastly, though pot is not the worst of any legal or nonlegal intoxicants, ever think PROP’s girl just might have an addictive personality and/or a substance-abuse problem? Having to fake an orgasm seems to be the least of the couple’s problems then. I can understand your point but I just feel you got lazy with this one. —Ellen

Amen to your advice to PROP, whose girlfriend needs to smoke pot to achieve orgasm. While it is perhaps a bit unfortunate that she NEEDS that crutch, if it works, then hey, why not? My girlfriend of four years and I use pot before (and sometimes during) sex reasonably regularly. Her sober orgasms are present and satisfying, but her high orgasms are mind-blowingly long and intense.

And as a side note, it drives me nuts that marijuana is illegal, but tobacco and alcohol are perfectly fine. God forbid we use a substance that isn’t chemically addictive and can’t kill you from one night of overuse. And remember those commercials that would have two stoned kids playing with a gun, and the gun goes off? COME ON, PEOPLE. No stoners out there would even think about going near a gun: They’d have to get off the couch to do so. Why weren’t there also commercials depicting a couple of guys at a bar getting wasted, driving home, running over a couple of churchgoers, and then beating their wives? That’s a more likely occurrence. —Why Is Alcohol Legal When Pot Isn’t?

I have been with my partner for 13 years. We have always had a decent sex life, but with the addition of marijuana, we have an amazing sex life. It’s the difference between a 4 (out of 10) experience without and a 10-plus experience with. It seems totally obvious to me that weed works wonders for the intimacy and satisfaction of my long-term relationship. Its aphrodisiac properties are advocated by renowned sexpert Betty Dodson.

I would suggest that any skeptics do their own research before dismissing the value of this relationship-enhancing practice. —Hot For Pot

Just so you know: Back in the days when I was nonorgasmic I did a lot of research on the subject and found many references to marijuana as a potential treatment. No, I can’t cite them offhand but, trust me, they’re out there. It seems that pot has helped a lot more than "at least one woman out there" achieve orgasm. —Liz D.

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About The Author

Dan Savage

Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, and author, and has appeared on numerous television shows. His sex advice column “Savage Love” first appeared in The Stranger, Seattle’s alternative weekly, in 1991. The column is now syndicated across the United States and Canada. He has published six books...
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