Q: Last Sunday, on a cold, foggy afternoon, I was in line at a department store when the woman in front of me, who was in a very short skirt and jacket, bent over the counter, revealing that she was naked from her waist to her shoes. Luckily, her request took a long time, and I was able to view her bare posterior — with my heart pounding — for a good while. Then our eyes met. She didn't seem to mind that I stared. After she finished, I followed her, forgetting my order. She did not appear to be alarmed. She stopped to look at a couple dresses. I stopped and examined the same dresses, she seemed unconcerned. She then headed to the elevator. Though I was disappointed that it was not the "up" escalator, I followed behind her. Our eyes met again and I complimented her. She said "thank you." I then took a stop closer and said, "you don't wear panties." She said, not unduly taken aback, "I wear underpants" (emphasis on "wear," not "underpants"). Later, I thought, I should have recognized her "figure of speech" truth and said, "But you're not
wearing them today
, are you?" I said nothing. She said, "could you please take a step back?" so I complimented her again, and left. Now I wonder: On behalf of men everywhere, did I blow an invitation from a sex goddess? What if I had asked — without the pushy panties remark — if I could "watch" her some more while she shopped? Or would she like it if I accompanied her to the shoe department, where I could place shoes on her feet while on my knees, and suck her toes in the store? Or could she follow me to the store bathroom, where I could beg her to sit on my face? The trouble is that besides being timid, I am married, faithful and love my wife — although I wish she had a little more of this free spirit's kink in her, that's for sure! Now, as you can imagine, I am unable to shake the image of that bare ass in such a public place from my mind. I have since performed less capably than usual at sex with my wife and I've masturbated several times, fantasizing about returning to this same department store to look for this siren again, the very next time my wife gives me more Sunday chores. I certainly approve of such female behavior and do not wish in any way to discourage its popularity. Any advice?
A: What can I tell you? You lucked out — a voyeur who encountered an exhibitionist. In the very unlikely event this happens again, I suggest you keep your mouth shut and simply enjoy the view.
Q: I am a very attractive 22-year-old black female. I have a boyfriend whom I love very much, but I want to be with a female sexually. I don't want a relationship, just sex. I just want one night to fulfill my fantasy without his knowing. I'm scared if he finds out; then he'll think I'm gay or something. I think about this all the time. Please help me.
A: Perhaps you might look at the possibility of your being "something," like bisexual, which is not the end of the world. Putting aside the issue of whether it's a good idea to be sneaking sex on the side with anyone, female or male, there are many personal ads for women who wish to experiment with a same-sex encounter in print and online, but in-person play parties or swing events are probably your best bet.
Q: I have been married three years. My wife and I decided not to have any children for at least two years. We have been trying to have a baby since then, but still we don't have any results. I have not contacted any doctor yet, thinking that sooner or later we may have a baby, but now I am losing hope. Please give me some advice.
A: Depending on the age and health of a couple, a year of unprotected intercourse without a pregnancy does not signify any major problem, but why wait? Ask your wife to have a thorough physical exam. There are kits sold in drugstores that help you figure out when her most fertile days are. Confine your intercourse to those times. Learn what you can do to help things along such as wearing loose underwear and not taking hot baths or saunas. Most of all, don't forget to enjoy the process of making a baby.
Isadora Alman is a board-certified sexologist and a California-licensed marriage-and-family therapist. Contact her via this paper or [email protected] Her Sexuality Forum is at