Craigslist post seeks 'high level Cleric or Druid' to purify Flint's water

Flint's lead-poisoned water crisis is serious stuff, but some activists have found a humorous way of raising awareness about the problem. 

A Craiglist job ad (posted in Flint>jobs>healthcare) is seeking a "high level Cleric or Druid" to "repeatedly cast the 1st-level transmutation (ritual) spell 'Purify Food and Drink.'" (For all of you readers who were popular in high school, it's a Dungeons & Dragons reference.)

The posting ends with links to contact Governor Rick Snyder to inquire about the job and also links to a crowdfunding page.

Read the original post, copied and pasted below: 

Hello, friend!

Are you a high level Cleric or Druid living within a commutable distance of Flint, Michigan? If so, then we have the JOB for YOU! The City of Flint and Michigan Department of Environmental Quality (MDEQ) is looking for a high-level Cleric or Druid to repeatedly cast the 1st-level transmutation (ritual) spell "Purify Food and Drink."

Don't get us wrong, our municipal water supply, coming from the Flint River, is (not) NOT contaminated with lead, not to mention fecal coliform bacteria, total trihalomethanes, and other contaminants, and is (not) NOT hurting children, which has (not) NOT been confirmed by multiple independents studies and the state's own records.

We still like the idea of a Cleric or Druid going door to door and casting this borderline cantrip over Flint residents' bathtubs. Really, we'll try ANYTHING before switching back to the less-corrosive water supplied by Detroit. After all, entertaining our magical thinking and fiscal fantasies is much more important than the health of 100,000 vulnerable people.

Please feel free to contact Michigan Governor Rick Snyder about this job. He will be happy to answer all questions — the tougher the better! :) LOL — at show contact info or here: https://somgovweb.state.mi.us/GovRelations/ShareOpinion.aspx

If you lack the power to cast this spell, you may nevertheless be interested in helping those who can turn dirty water into clean: http://www.unitedwaygenesee.org/civicrm/contribute/transact?reset=1&id=5

Lee DeVito

Leyland “Lee” DeVito is the editor in chief of Detroit Metro Times since 2016. His writing has also been published in CREEM, VICE, In These Times, and New City. He once asked porn star Stormy Daniels to spank him with an issue of Metro Times. She obliged.

Scroll to read more Arts articles

Join Detroit Metro Times Newsletters

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.