Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Head Cheese

Posted By on Wed, Jun 28, 2006 at 12:00 AM

Ann Arbor's foxiest party crew, the Bang!, is already known for making everybody dance. But in honor of their aerobics-themed Physical Bang!, hosts Jeremy Wheeler and Jason Gibner will make you sweat till you bleed with this list of workout video monomanias.

5. Zsa Zsa Gabor, It's Simple, Darling (1993): The darling diva of old Hollywood throws on some Lycra and moves to the clunky groove while flanked by two monstrously beefy dudes.

4. Go-GoRobics (2002): Dolph Lundgren's Maximum Potential workout vid almost nailed the No. 4 spot. But how can you resist the burlesque-ersizing Pontani Sisters? They demonstrate all the classic moves, and everything's set to tunes from Los Straightjackets! Jungleaya!

3. Bubba Until It Hurts (1985): Yes, Police Academy's Hightower made a workout video. Best is that title, which continues to blow minds 20 years later.

2. Exercise ... The Erotic Way to Physical Fitness! (1982): This tape isn't actually erotic, but your funny bone does get a workout. Rockin' (read: not rockin') jams accompany perverted camera angles that peer up the girls' cut-off tees as they bounce around in genius '80s workout attire.

1. Pulsebeat (1984): From the riotously bad opening song (set to a naked dude ecstatically dancing in the shower) to the sex scene in a gym, all the way to the penultimate dance-off, Pulsebeat gets the Bang!'s highest recommendation.


9:30 p.m. Saturday, July 1, at the Blind Pig, 208 S. First St., Ann Arbor; 734-996-8555. More info:

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