I can’t stop running! If I stop running I’ll MB81!

Agoraphobic Nosebleed – PCP Torpedo / Anbrx (Hydra Head) :: The most distorted screamo album ever made opens with a foul-mouthed excerpt from a Richard Pryor movie. Then they strike up the band and put the dialogue to a mess age of musick.

1986 – Nihilism Is Nothing To Worry About (Palentine) :: I was worried that the band 1986 would be as musically dull as the year 1986 was. But not to worry because they sound as if Elliott Murphy had replaced Unca Lou after Loaded and then recorded a fifth Velvet Underground studio album.

Slow Motion Reign – Slow Motion Reign (Surgical Strike) :: Kinda like Obscure Alternatives Japan with a hint of early melodic Queen and the languid loopy charm of Hunky Dory Bowie. That said, they have an earnest and ambitious neo-prog sound that’s all their own and well worth a listen. Worth a listen? Why, it’s more fun than freebasing with a polyester shirt on!

Hot One – Hot One (The Music Of Nato) :: The really sexciting songs on this album sound like a pouty punky cross between Nick Gilder’s Sweeney Todd (“Get Your Priest On!”), Michael Hutchence’s INXS (“Sexy Soldier”) and Prince’s NPG (“Fu*k*n’”). Needless to say, the really boring ones don’t. (Copy editor’s note: The music of NATO? What’s next? NORAD’s Greatest Hits? The STRATCOM Singers Do the DEFCON Songbook?)

Person – Entitled (Echelon Productions) :: On “You Ain’t Hot,” this nattily dressed synthesizer trio rips a page outta Morris Day’s little black book and then ups the ante by using enough feelthy lingo to make Prince turn three different shades of lavender. Are you ready for the new sex-soaked Bee Gees?

SIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK:

Mstrkrft – The Looks (Last Gang) :: And speaking of getting soaked, this anonymous glory hole happening between S’Express, Kraftwerk, Giorgio Moroder and 808 State is nothing less than a wet dream hook-up for horny hedonists aching to relive the coke-soaked ’80s — and that’s nothing to sniff at.

Tiga – Sexor (Last Gang) :: More très fey syntho electro. Beulah, crack me another amyl.

Jan Hammer – Miami Vice (MCA) :: Give me Librium or give me meth!

Be snorting you!

Jeffrey Morgan is a freelance writer. Send comments to letters@metrotimes.com.