Worn to a nubbin 

Q: I am a 22-year-old male in OK shape. For the last four or five years, I used to masturbate almost every day, sometimes up to four times a day. I would do it so much that I would actually tear the skin on my penis. In the last year, I have really made an effort to cut back and now only masturbate maybe one or two times a week. However, every month or so I crank it out three or four times in a day. I did this because I wasn't able to orgasm during sex with my girlfriend. I seemed to be more sensitive if I hadn't masturbated a few days before sex. I want to stop masturbating completely, but my girlfriend works nights and we only have sex once every week or two. Therefore, I build up sexual energy and want a release, so I still masturbate. Should I stop masturbating? Is this a precursor to impotency? I am pretty sure that I was much more sensitive four years ago. Is there a way to get that sensitivity back?

A: If, like many young men, you take dick in hand and whack away at full speed and pressure, (tearing the skin?!) no wonder you weren't able to reach orgasm through intercourse. Vaginas can't usually duplicate that. Not only do you went to train yourself to masturbate less often, you want to use lubricant and accustom yourself to more sensual and subtle stimulation. Although there is no threat of impotency, both you girlfriend and your poor beleaguered penis will thank you.

Q: I am an attractive African-American man who is facing a dilemma. One day while visiting my local adult bookstore I happened to see some movies featuring she-males or transsexuals. I became aroused and have been intrigued ever since. I have been trying to meet someone of this lifestyle to fulfill my curiosity but have not been able to do so. I've seen ads from those who ask for money, but I want something serious. Is there any advise you could give me in order to make my search more fruitful?

A: Keep trying the personal ads. There are some amateurs who use them. You will find an unusually high percentage of professionals, though, because many men in transition to being women do take to selling their services in order to help pay for the high medical bills of the sexual reassignment. Every city of any size has at least one tranny bar. If you see no ads in this paper or more gay-oriented ones, ask a cab driver.

Q: I have a situation that's been bothering me and I don't know how to put it to rest. I broke up with my boyfriend of four years a few months ago. When we were dating we frequented a certain popular downtown restaurant. When we broke up the owners would not allow me to come in because my ex spends a lot of money there. It bothered me but I figured it was better to stay away from places he went anyway. So I didn't force the issue, even though the "boy's club" treatment pissed me off completely. When I was turned away at the door, I later discovered one of the owners and I had a mutual friend whom I was with that evening. After I left, my friend told me that the owner would not allow me in because he claimed I was a prostitute. To say I'm livid is barely scratching the surface. I am a career woman and work so hard at my job and this pig of a man just lies to whomever he wants to. I have clients all over the city and I don't want anyone else to hear this vulgar lie. I would love to sue him or just expose him, but will that make me look worse? I've learned that he has said this out loud at the bar too and I just want him to stop. It is terribly unfair and just plain reckless. Because I'm emotional about this I cannot think clearly on how to process this information. Please help. I need some direction on what my next step is.

A: There are laws against slander. See an attorney and allow him or her to help you assess your options. Isadora Alman is a board-certified sexologist and a California-licensed marriage-and-family therapist. Contact her via this paper or askisadora@aol.com. Her Sexuality Forum is at

Speaking of Love & Sex, Ask Isadora

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