Spank you very much 

Q: I took a 33-year-old woman home from an evening out. She wanted sex; so did I. I let her know I was a well-hung; she told me that wouldn’t be a problem, and added that she wanted a good spanking first. She opened a drawer and pulled out a leather strap cut in strips halfway up. Next, she lay across the bed and had me lift her skirt above her ass and strap her across the panties. After a good strapping, she asked me to give her anal sex. I did, but I still can’t fathom why she wanted a strapping and then a big one up the ass. Is this not very unusual?

A: Somewhat unusual. So?

Obviously you didn’t find it so weird that it put you off doing it. Many women like to be spanked and some women prefer anal sex and know how to accommodate a large insertion. You happened across two in one. It may or may not happen again.

Q: My boyfriend is 20 and so am I. We’ve been dating for about three months and he was a virgin before we met. Our sex life was great at the beginning, but after a while my boyfriend’s penis started to go up and down, up and down. We will be making love and then he will go soft. I am giving him oral sex and then he will go soft. We have tried numerous things to fix this problem, but nothing works. He claims that he loves my body and that he gets turned on by me. He is sometimes able to keep his erection and have an orgasm, but this problem is really hurting us. We have tried different positions, different locations … we’ve tried everything. I know he loves me and does get aroused by me, but he keeps losing his erection. I am so scared that this will hurt our relationship. Please help me.

A: I strongly suggest a physical exam by a urologist, a specialist in reproductive plumbing. If he or she finds nothing wrong, the next step is a sex therapist. Yes, it will hurt your relationship if most of the occasions for sex result in disappointment, but if you resolve to hang in there with your guy until the problem is solved, and you let him know this, there is no need for his erection difficulties to ruin your relationship.

Q: I am a 44-year-old male of average dimensions who has recently utilized Viagra successfully to ward off Aging Penis Syndrome. This miracle drug has really improved the quality of my sex life. I recently saw an ad for a whole new breed of “penis pill,” something called “Longitude.” The ad promises to safely increase penis size by 26 percent after eight weeks of daily usage, and also claims that this size increase is permanent. At about $60 for a 30-day supply, this seems a little too good to be true — a thicker, longer dick for under $200? Have you any information regarding this product? If so, do tell. The average guys of the world need to know.

A: I personally am attracted to the ads that promise to let you lose weight while you sleep and to tales of Prince Charming, whose horse I can barely make out there in the distance. However, in the cold, clear light of day, wide-eyed and awake, I know that excess pounds do not just melt off one’s body and that, being a modern urban woman, a gentleman caller arriving on my doorstep will probably do so by car and, while he may well be charming, will be in no degree royal. Remember how much press Viagra has gotten since its arrival on the scene? If a safe and permanent penis-enhancing pill were around, then we’d all hear about it — over and over and over. If one does exist somewhere, it’s being carried in the back pocket of the perfect mate. They’ll arrive on the scene together, but don’t wait up.

Isadora Alman, author of Doing It: Real People Having Really Good Sex, is a board-certified sexologist and a California-licensed marriage-and-family therapist. Contact her at Her Sexuality Forum is at

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