Room with a view 

Q: I live on the third floor of an apartment building. I usually walk around in my panties and bra. Recently, when I was in my kitchen, I noticed the curtains move on the apartment next door. When I realized someone was watching me, my nipples got very hard and I immediately got horny. I love the idea that I have a nice body that turns men on. Maybe I should also tell you that my boyfriend is kind of dull in bed. I've tried spicing things up and even made love to him in the kitchen so my neighbor could watch, but he always wants to go into the bedroom with the lights off. I've met the guy who watches me a few times, just saying hello when I see him in the laundry room or when we both come home at the same time. I'm thinking about doing a striptease and then waving him over to my place. What do you think about this situation?

A: Since you asked, I think it's a piss-poor, dangerous and unethical solution to a boring sex life with your boyfriend. Pay some attention to the relationship you have; improving it, making peace with it or ending it. If you're going to go outside of it, with agreement or not, I wouldn't add insult to injury by doing it in the bed (or the kitchen) you share with your lover.

Q: I am a pharmacist in a medium-sized town. As such, I pretty much know which medications are being taken by lots of the people who live here. In the past couple of years, five or six men I was in high school with (35 and more years ago) have begun taking Viagra. I know the physicians who prescribed it and I am pretty confident they would not prescribe it for any reason other than erectile dysfunction. Here's the odd part: these particular guys are all very generously endowed. I was in high school with them and communal shower rooms left little to the imagination. I know a big flaccid penis does not mean a big erect penis, but I dated two girls who also dated two of them and they told me those fellows had very impressive members. My question is whether having an outsized penis predisposes a man to early erectile dysfunction. Have you ever heard of this? I admit it seems to me that nature is getting revenge. Harry Horsecock now can't do anything with his limp kielbasa while those of us in the ordinary or less-than-ordinary category are still stiff as a poker without medication. Or am I fooling myself?

A: Yes, it’s wishful thinking. There are men with small ones who have erectile difficulties and men with huge ones who don't. If there is any connection at all to what you observe, I'd guess that guys who have depended all their life on an impressive penises as their only or main sexual advantage would be more concerned with keeping it in fighting condition than others might be.

Q: I am in a predicament and I need your help. I've been going with this lady for almost three years. We talk every day and see each other on the weekends. Physically we are not completely compatible. I am 6-foot-1 and pretty well built; she is short with a very pretty face and quite a bit of cellulite around her rear and thighs. She has taken me to Paris and to Italy and is very good to me and loves me very much. I have broken up with her twice and gotten back with her out of guilt. When I broke up with her last time, I went on a binge of homosexual encounters. I try to repress those feelings because she is so good to me. The homosexual encounters were all pretty much bummers. I do have these very strong gut feelings to make myself submissive to another man or to other men, or to a man and a woman. I would love to experiment but the guilt of keeping things hidden would be more than I could take. Please help.

A: Do you want to experiment more than you want to be loved by a woman who is very good to you? If it's not possible to have both (have you tried to discuss this possibility?) then that's your decision. If you can't make it alone, consult a third party and lay it all out, the pros and the cons — trips to Italy or being topped, pretty face and cellulite or possibly more bummer same-sex encounters. Most tough decisions involve giving up something for something else. Only you can decide which is most important to you. Isadora Alman is a licensed marriage counselor and a board-certified sexologist. You can reach her online at her Sexuality Forum ( or by writing to her care of this paper. Alas, she cannot answer questions

Speaking of Love & Sex, Ask Isadora

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