Best Place to See a Mainstream Film
Birmingham Palladium 
250 N. Old Woodward, Birmingham; 248-644-3456; uptownentertainment.com

Maybe it's the swanky downtown Birmingham address, but something about a night out at the Palladium feels like a throwback to movie palaces of old. The vertical layout offers two floors of frolic, and 12 high-quality screens, packed with the latest Hollywood popcorn fare, all presented with an air of elegance and intimacy simply lacking in many mall parking lot omega-plexes. Afterward the credits roll, you can stroll down the block and enjoy a coffee or ice cream, like it's Westwood, Calif.

Best Place to See an Indie Film
Main Art Theatre
118 N. Main St., Royal Oak; 248-263-2111; landmarktheatres.com

Recent news of a 10-screen popcorn factory/bowling alley, planned to be slapped right in the Main's back yard, have sent some local cinephiles into a tizzy. The fretting may be premature, because the upstart isn't likely to be able to book anything like the eclectic and remarkable mix of independent, foreign and cult fare that has been dazzling film fans since 1997. There's no other place in town to catch the newest Lars von Trier atrocity or the blissful hipster sarcasm of Ben Stiller in Greenberg. All summer long they rock a fun slate of midnight movies, a true rarity in this vast metropolis. The place has a lived-in feel, and the staff can be surly, but that only adds to the charm of a theater unafraid to wear its hipness and integrity as a badge of art house honor.

Best Local Film Festival
Ann Arbor Film Festival
aafilmfest.org

As far as film fests go, this one is serious. Presenting more than 170 films from more than 20 countries over six days in downtown Ann Arbor, the nationally recognized Ann Arbor Film Festival boasts more than 40 cinephile-centric programs, with more than a dozen premiere screenings. Filmmakers from around the world join your neighbor from down the street to take in some of the world's most interesting independently made movies. For his world premiere at the AAFF this past March, filmmaker Harry Smith brought in experimental multigenre soundcrafter Flying Lotus to produce a live score for his avant-garde animation classic Heaven & Earth Magic, which brought some serious international attention. Features such as this make the AAFF, getting close to 50 years old, a world-class bash.

Best Bar for Under 30s
Slingers Bar & Grill 
Best Bartender
Ryan Sturing, aka Twatch, at Slingers Bar & Grill
11791 Farmington Rd., Livonia; 734-421-6070; myspace.com/py_stix

Though Madonna University and Schoolcraft College are both in city limits, Livonia isn't really some wild college town. It'll never be one of those. But that's not stopping Slingers Bar & Grill (formerly PY Stix) from attempting to tap into campus-approved, liquor-fueled folly, such as beer pong. We're talking cheap drinks, like on their Thirsty Thursdays, which feature beers for a buck from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. You'll also find those white T-shirt graffiti parties; theme nights bring out bleached blondes in sexy costumes, and, for those who threw dignity out the window in their teenage years, you can take a seat in the BJ chair and suck down booze straight form the bottle of nationally recognized bartender, Twatch. Picture this, babe: You're sitting in a dentist chair, there's a hundred people surrounding you, and they can all see your midriff. You like this. The music blares, glasses rattle, your BFF snaps photos with her iPhone to be immediately posted to Facebook, and this dude named Twatch stands over you — a different bottle of booze in each hand. "Open wide," he says, juggling the bottles like they were bowling pins. "Down the hatch." And the crowd goes wild.

Best Libido-Stimulating Club Crowd
Best Club Night
Best Bar to Meet Someone
Eden Nightclub and Ultra Lounge
22061 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; 248-541-7674; myspace.com/edennightclub

It's Saturday night. You haven't worn that new getup yet. You're feeling antsy, to say the least. You're probably feeling more than that, killer. You need to let off some steam. You're single and looking for fun with money to burn. Where ya headed? Eden — the closest you'll get to South Beach in southeastern Michigan — might be your best bet. There are two levels, each boasting its own dance floor, and go-go dancers abound. So do the pheromones. Welcome to the Candy Shop, where DJ Godfather blends booty bass with world beats, so whether you're from Moscow or Madison Heights, you'll find yourself lost in groove. Though it's 18 and up, only those 21 or older can enjoy the drink deals, such as their $4 Long Islands and $10 buckets of five Budweiser brewskis. Remember: Don't bring sand to the beach, bro.

Best Dive Bar
Best Juke Box
Gusoline Alley
309 S. Center St., Royal Oak; 248-545-2235; myspace.com/gusolinealley

It's your first trip to Gus' and you're a stranger; stick around long enough and the next time you stroll through the doors into this dimly lit dive, you'll be welcomed as a regular. That's just the kind of joint Gus' is. From aged crust-punks to off-duty journalists, lawyers, comedians and bikers — the crowd at Gus' runs the gamut. And the bar operates the same as the juke — Detroit's best — and that's on a cash basis. Detroiters dig off-kilter disposition, truly wise(ass) bartenders and wise-ass barflies.

Best Honky-Tonk Bar
Diamondback Saloon
49345 S. I-94 Service Dr., Bellville; 734-699-7899; diamondbacksaloon.com

In country music fashion, some of the best honky-tonk bars in this great country are along highways, so long-haul truckers can feel at home, no matter where they are. The wider the road, the better the honky-tonk. If they're passing through our neck of the woods (Wednesday through Sunday), they'll no doubt ease their rig into the parking lot and enter Diamondback Saloon, where they can line-dance, down buck beers and take in the sounds and sights of house band Derringer. Giddy up!

Best Irish Pub
The Old Shillelagh
349 Monroe St., Detroit; 313-964-0007; oldshillelagh.com

Welcome to a Detroit institution. For pre-game, post-game and St. Patty's drinking plans, jock Detroiters dig this Irish bar over all others. With two floors, live music, reasonable drink prices and enough apple-cheeked patrons to start a small colony, the Old Shillelagh is one of the most consistently packed watering holes in the Motor City. An Irish bar in Greektown? Ah, sit down, shut up and drink!

Best Karaoke
Rockstarz Bar
33729 Ford Rd., Garden City; 734-522-7744; rockstarzbar.com

Rockstarz isn't a bar — it's a karaoke bar. And that's not saying they've but one kick-ass karaoke night a week. Nah, that's amateur, dude. Rockstarz features karaoke seven nights a week, from 9 p.m. till 2 a.m. They even have hats, wigs, costumes and prop instruments so you can "play" the drums, bass or guitar while rocking out on stage. Yikes! Honorable mention: The Millionaire received multiple votes as the best karaoke host in town. See millionairekaraoke.com.

Best Art Gallery to Party At
MOCAD
4454 Woodward Ave., Detroit; 313-832-6622; mocadetroit.org

One of the most important Detroit institutions for contemporary art — visual mainly; musical, often; literary, sometimes — the Museum of Contemporary Art Detroit is also a more-than-viable nightspot. Case in point: You're Gonna Die! Halloween bash and the St. Valentine's Day Massacre parties were heralded as two of the year's flat-out best parties, period.

Best Club to Get Your Fetish On
Best Dance Club in Detroit
City Club
400 Bagley Ave., Detroit; 313-962-2300; lelandcityclub.net

Let's get industrial, latexed and leathered. Let's get cyber-dreaded, gothed, chained, corseted, pretty and pierced. Let's rub up against each other inside this vast den of debauchery. When you want the grit of Gravity Kills mashed up against something from Ministry or Depeche Mode, tied together by that which sounds like Trent Reznor copulating with Cherie Currie's chainsaw, and you want to be surrounded by fellow deviates, get your City Club on.

Best Fetish Party or Fetish Night
Noir Leather's Hellbound
Various locations; 248-541-3979; noirleather.com

Noir Leather, Royal Oak's sexiest worst-kept secret, gets under you skin, doesn't it, you dungeon-ready reader? The only thing that tops that shop's libido stimuli is Hellbound, where the shop's sex/BDSM wares come to life before you. Hellbound brings together dolls, sluts and kinksters (doms, subs and switches welcome, as well as others wanting to explore BDSM options) for a party where not only can you bring home the latest in floggers, croppers and sinfully hot sex toys, but you'll be treated to a show that might be a gift that keeps on giving.

Best Dance Club in Suburbs
Best Sexed-up Waitstaff
Luna
1815 Main St., Royal Oak; 248-589-3344; lunaroyaloak.com

Open Wednesday through Sunday, Luna has long been of one the area's most popular dance clubs, especially for lovers of downtempo, new-wave, fishnets and glitter boots. As far as dance clubs go, it is — from booth to dance floor to bar — the most unpretentious in the burbs, and on certain nights it's loaded with ungodly sexual tension, for both boys and girls, some of which rises straight from its hot and fetching waitstaff. Moreover, it's at once modest (wear what you want) and charmingly over-the-top (Prince and Madonna tribute nights, indeed!), while the music and beat-pounding spans genre and era.

Best Dance Club in Ann Arbor
Necto Night Club
516 E Liberty St., Ann Arbor; 734-994-5436; necto.com

Necto is as much a mega-club (biggest college night in the state) as it is a meta-club, in that it takes on various scenester roles throughout the week. Monday nights bring out hardcore industrial beats and cyber-punk pretties, Thursdays see sweaty college folk sucking down copious amounts of cheap vodka, Friday's popular and packed Pride Night offer $2 Long Islands, and Necto transforms into a haven for house and techno on Frequency Saturdays.

Best Lesbian Bar
Stiletto's
1641 Middlebelt Rd., Inkster; 734-729-8980

In lipstick or work-boots or both, women who love women who love going out love Stiletto's. The drag shows here kill, men get all rosy-cheeked, and distaff rocks its world.

Gay Bar
Menjo's Complex
928 W. McNichols Rd., Detroit; 313-863-3934; menjoscomplex.com

The place is packed to the gills with gorgeous gay dudes — a beer-guzzling, all-age brigade that includes many chiseled torsos, tan faces and strong features. There are a fair number of women and hipsters here too, but unless you're a fan of butterball babes, Menjo's might not be the place to pick up chicks.

Best Strip Club
Flight Club
29709 Michigan Ave., Inkster; 734-641-2400; theflightclub.com

We could yak on about the Flight Club's bitchin' kitchen, their notable martini, Champagne, cigar and beer menus, and their technological advancements in the world of strip clubs, but let's talk about girls. You'll find them seductive, sassy, saucy and slutty. And that's just the conversation. As far as strip bars go, the Flight Club is a class joint. Think of it like Disneyland's "It's a Small World" exhibit, only with impossibly hot chicks instead of animatronic dwarfs.

Best Bottled Beer Selection in a Bar
Ye Olde Tap Room
14915 Charlevoix St., Detroit; 313-824-1030

Staring down 40 years in Detroit, the Tap Room is something of a legend in its own town, even if it is one of the more assuming icons in city limits. What draws people to this tavern-style drink joint is sheer variety. When it comes to beer in a bottle, the Tap Room is king, boasting 280 different cold ones from more than 30 countries (from Sri Lanka to Lebanon to Brazil). We once drank one of each in a single night. We did, truly.

Best Draft Selection in a Bar
The Berkley Front 
3087 12 Mile Rd., Berkley; 248-547-3331

The magic number, it turns out, is 42. That's how many beers you'll find on tap at this neighborhood biergarten. And, unlike most bars, the Berkley Front features an uncarbonated pull, usually pouring Bell's Two Hearted ale. Speaking of Bell's, there are always several local brews to choose from, matched up against a genuine selection of German and Belgian ones. The beer pulls you in, but the juke, live music and conversation keeps you there.

Best Bar for a Martini
Goodnite Gracie Jazz & Martini Bar
301 Huron St., Ann Arbor; 734-623-2070;
224 S Sherman Dr, Royal Oak, 248-584-7400; goodnitegracie.com

Though the musical flavorings change throughout the week at both of the Goodnite Gracie lounge locations — bringing in jazz, reggaeton, funk, blues, live music and DJs — they consistently serve up myriad martinis metro Detroiters crave. The original location in Royal Oak serves up their magnificent martinis and all other fantastically fermented beverages at a half-off happy hour from 5 to 7 p.m. Monday through Friday. Note: You'd be doing yourself a favor to make the attached Italian bistro, D'Amato's, your dinner destination.

Best Comedy Club
Best Comedy Open-mic
Go! Comedy Improv Theatre 
261 E. Nine Mile Rd., Ferndale; 248-327-0575; gocomedy.net

As far as comedy clubs go, what patrons want is consistency, and not just consistently good comedy, because even if it were reliably bad, hey, that's something. But metro Detroiters who love a laugh know that Go! delivers the good kind, consistently and improvisationally, Wednesdays through Saturdays. Go! adds new shows to its lineup regularly — such as Son of the Maltese Falcon, and an improvised musical titled Rock-O-Matic — making it a fresh date-night destination. If you really dig it, and you can brave the stage, you should join the fun on Wednesday open-mic nights.

Best Casino
Best Casino Slots
Best Casino Craps
Best Casino Poker
MGM Grand Casino
1777 Third St., Detroit; 313-888-2121; mgmgranddetroit.com

This is the fourth consecutive year MGM Grand's won the honor of being voted Detroit's most popular casino, and the second year it swept all four casino categories. Now that's a double-down! They keep it classy at MGM, from the clubs to the eateries to the dealers at the tables; this is a casino you love to keep coming back to. You'd think the bartenders mix luck into their cocktails or something.

Best Electronic Club
3-way tie: Eden
22061 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; 248-541-7674; myspace.com/edennightclub
Necto
516 E Liberty St., Ann Arbor; 734-994-5436; necto.com
Oslo
1456 Woodward Ave., Detroit; 313-962-7200; oslodetroit.com

This is a nice city-suburbs-Ann Arbor triangle if there ever was one. If you're looking for four-to-the-floor beats in the burbs, then you can find them in the house variety at Eden, a Miami-themed semi-swank club. If you're near Ann Arbor, you'll get techno and house bangers at Necto, one of the largest clubs in the state. Detroit techno aficionados make Oslo their destination for delectable electronic treats, and the sushi ain't bad either.

Best Hip-Hop Venue
St. Andrew's Hall
431 E. Congress St., Detroit; 313-961-8137

Whether Snoop D-O-double-G is rolling through Detroit with his entourage to smoke out St. Andy's on a Saturday night or Detroit grime-and-rhyme legend Guilty Simpson is holding court with the microphone down in the Shelter, this historic Motor City venue remains central to the cause of providing rap that'll twist your beer cap.

Best Hip-Hop Night
Blue Collar Gentlemen
At the Old Miami, 3930 Cass Ave., Detroit; 313-831-3830; myspace.com/boomboxentertainment

For hip-hop heads in the know, the state's most popular monthly meet-up goes down in the pit of the Cass Corridor, on the first Friday of each month, at the Old Miami. It's here the Blue Collar Gentlemen hold court with the Zone Radio's hosts Origix and D.C. No other hip-hop night captures the vibe of the city the way BCG does, with local rap acts the likes of United States of Mind, SelfSays, Marvwon, Phat Kat, Illite, Ro Spit, Danny Brown and Magestik Legend and more all gracing the Blue Collar stage, representing Detroit the best way they know how.

Best Rock Club
The Magic Stick 
4120 Woodward Ave., Detroit; 313-833-9700; majesticdetroit.com

No matter what you spent on home speakers, headphones or subwoofers for your car, rock music has and always will sound best when reproduced live in an authentic rock club. In Detroit, that club is the iconic Magic Stick. Located above the Garden Bowl in the Majestic complex, the Magic Stick is home to 10 billiard tables, a full bar and lounge area, and the Alley Deck, where you can enjoy fresh air and a cold brew. You can always grab a slice at Sgt. Pepperoni's on your way up the stairs too. Continually booking the best touring bands, and home to the events such as Blowout kickoff, Rock Lottery and Fucking Awesome Fest, the Magic Stick remains the hippest of hip for revelers of rock.

Best Blues Club
Tie: Callahan's
2105 South Blvd., Auburn Hills; 248-858-9508
Memphis Smoke
100 S. Main, Royal Oak; 248-543-4300

As the song says, "Hey, hey, the blues is all right." Especially when you've got two joints such as these vying for the hottest spot. Both are prime locales for Detroit-based bluesmen and blueswomen to wail. Memphis is more likely to diverge from the blues-beaten path, while Callahan's is more likely to spice its schedule with road-touring out-of-towners. Upcoming attractions at Smoke include the Reefermen, Liz Larin and Bobby Murray. At Callahan's you can look forward to Jimmy Thackery, Smokin' Joe Kubek and Roomful of Blues.

Best Folk Venue
The Ark
316 S. Main, Ann Arbor; 734-761-1800; a2ark.org

A 40-year institution — and a nonprofit that calls on hundreds of volunteers to supplement its core, paid staff — the Ark is an anchor for the national circuit that keeps the heirs of Woody Guthrie and Leadbelly in front of audiences. But with an upcoming schedule that ranges from Crash Test Dummies to Bettye LaVette to Josh White Jr. and Loudon Wainwright III, you get some idea of their breadth.

Best Open-Mic or Jam Session
Thursday nights at Bert's Marketplace
2727 Russell Street, Detroit; 313-567-2030

This granddaddy of the current jam scene just rounded the corner into its 10th year, helmed by bassist Ralphe Armstrong (formerly of Zappa and Mahavishnu Orchestra), drummer Spider Webb (a psychedelic-era Funk Brother) and Bill Meyers (who seems to know every tune a singer can throw at him). You never know what to expect — a waif of a singer from Central America with limited conversational English, fluently belting "Midnight Train to Georgia" alongside Martha Reeves; luminaries or swingin' grade-schoolers brought by doting parents — for the $3 cover. It runs from 8:30 p.m. to 12:30 a.m.

Best Jazz Club
Cliff Bell's
2030 Park Ave.; 313-961-2543; cliffbells.com

Cliff Bell's honcho Paul Howard will tell you he doesn't think jazz is necessarily the best music to hear — but he digs it as "the best music to see live — especially in small setting." And although there's more than jazz to be seen and heard in this art deco temple  — other musical genres, burlesque, poetry and the Moth story-telling sessions, for instance — it has built a stable of top-notch local swinging regulars, semi-regulars and occasionals — including the Hot Club of Detroit, Gerard Gibbs and Wendell Harrison's Swing Ensemble — and such out-of-towners as Dr. Lonnie Smith (last week) and France's Moutin Reunion (April 29). It can get rather noisy for listening, but it's also got class galore and great small-plates dining.

Best Sports Bar
Rosie O'Grady's Irish Pub
279 W Nine Mile Rd., Ferndale; 248-591-9163; see rosieogradysirishpub.com for more locations.

When you go to the bar to catch the big game with your best bros, there's a good chance there are a few other games, matches, meets, etc., you'd also like to follow, however casually or seriously. Ferndale's recently relocated Rosie O'Grady's Irish Pub, in just one year since being revived, is your favorite bar to do just that. With more than 100 TVs throughout the joint, including a small flat-screen in each booth all broadcasting the game, it's a sensory overload of sports, but that's why some people dig it. Game on!

Best Local Beer
Best Microbrew
MCBW Ghettoblaster
motorcitybeer.com

Refreshing for any season, Ghettoblaster is a medium ale that pours into your glass a beautiful bronze. Brewed in the English style, this beer bears toasted malt aromas mixed with hints of dark fruit and chocolate. Ghettoblaster's average alcohol content (5.2 percent) makes it easy to drink in copious amounts out on the deck, and its balanced flavor and light carbonation make it great for washing down almost any meal. You know it's top-shelf beer when a good drunk on the stuff leaves a slight hangover.

Best Vodka
Grey Goose 

Originally from France, Grey Goose made its way stateside in 1997 and never looked back. Known for its slightly sugary taste from the winter wheat it's distilled from, the esteemed finish can be described as both smoky and silky, and vodka lovers say the hints of anise and citrus in the finish put the Goose in a class all its own. With fogged glass and a replaceable cork, rather than a screw-top cap, Grey Goose is the godfather of premium vodka, and Detroiters refuse to accept anything less.

Best Beer
Guinness Draught

Foamy, rich, malty, smooth and lighter than you might think, Guinness is an ultimate beer. It's easy to drink, warming and easy to love. Did you know researchers found that anti-oxidant compounds in Guinness, similar to those found in certain fruits and vegetables, are responsible for health benefits because they slow down the deposit of harmful cholesterol on the artery walls? Yeah, it's good for you! It's also stinkin' flavorful, especially when matched with a short of Irish whiskey. Sláinte!

Best Scotch
The Glenlivet

The oldest legal distillery in the Scottish parish of Glenlivet, the Glenlivet scotch is regarded in its native land as "the single malt that started it all." No matter if you're drinking a 12-year-old shot or a premium bottle with contents aged 25 years — or its most recently acclaimed batch of French Oak Reserve, which spends 15 years before blooming, so to speak — the Glenlivet ranks among Detroit's (and the world's) most favorite scotch whiskies.

Best Bourbon
Tie: Jim Beam
Maker's Mark 

Both winners for Best Bourbon this year are notably sweet and simple varieties, light on the smoke and oak found in, say, Knob Creek or Wild Turkey's premium blends. That means Detroiters are mixing this stuff ... with Faygo, we're guessing. But these two bourbons won by default. See, the far-and-away winner in this category was actually Jack Daniel's, which isn't actually bourbon but boasts the same saccharine character that Detroiters are keen on.

Best Gin
Tanqueray 

This world-renowned London Dry Gin is created using a double-distillation process on a neutral grain spirit, adding botanicals during the second phase, to make for its complex character. You know that refreshing, piney kick you love so much? Is that nuance responsible for its perfect marriage with tonic? Who knows? Who cares! As long as you can get a little lime on the side.

Best Leather Daddy Bar
R&R Saloon
7330 Michigan Ave., Detroit; 313-849-2751

Do you like your dudes mustachioed, tatted, uniformed and carved like Eastern European weightlifters? Are you into gloves and tons of biker leather? Enter the R&R Saloon, a simmering den with attendant darkness and laughter. It's where gay guys find real men meeting here to dance in close proximity and get their groove on while hetero hipster chicks whisper and quietly coo. It's also the home of the Mr. Leather Michigan and Mr. Leather Detroit contests — and lord knows the winners and some of those in the running are downright stunners. Note that the "Underwear Wednesdays" are enormously popular.

Best Place to Mount an Ersatz Bull
Coyote Joe's Nightclub
49440 Ryan Rd., Shelby Twp.; 586-254-4666

Much like the Coyote Ugly bar from the movie of the same name, Coyote Joe's celebrates the daisy dukes and rhinestone side of country. Every Urban Cowboy archetype is here, from line dancing and faded denim to pneumatic chests and Stetson hats. Don't expect too much in the way of outlaw country — no Kristofferson or Billy Joe Shaver — and you can catch the Orbitsuns and Whitey Morgan in any dive bar for that. No, this is for the Josh Gracin crowd, the suburban shitkicker in an SUV. Those who like their country hygienically unassailable, in large spacious settings with flatscreens hanging and guitars on walls with first-rate sound and lights and nods to Garth Brooks — while downing copious amounts of whichever drink is on special that week — will absolutely adore this joint.

Best Strip Bar
The Penthouse
20771 W. Eight Mile Rd., Detroit; 313-541-7000

Part of the vast Penthouse empire, this club is what you'd likely expect: a gentlemen's venue on the classier end of Eight Mile Road, as opposed to the many stripper-on-a-milk-crate titty bars that you'll likely find upon closer inspection in certain parts of this glorious metropolis. The Penthouse's interior lines shimmer with a certain graceful élan — rich, sparkly hues of lavender, cobalt and ruby — the kind of beauty that's hard to come by inside a strip ... er ... gentlemen's club, if only because of the nature of this particular biz. The girls here are, in a word, stunning; curves span the runway-model-to-zaftig gamut, and many could have sauntered straight off the pages of the club's namesake magazine (or doubled for Jada Fire on a porn set). In this economy, you'd need a second mortgage for drinks and a private booth pretty much anywhere, but the fleshy allure here is so all-consuming that you'll leave grinning, even if you're down a couple hundred and smelling like Baby Phat Goddess and vanilla. Salute!

Best Intimate Acoustic Concert Showroom
The Ark
316 S. Main St., Ann Arbor; 734-761-8181; theark.org

Ann Arbor — and Michigan in general — is fortunate to have the Ark, which is internationally renowned as one of the world's top clubs for folk, acoustic and even occasionally electric folk-rock music. The nonprofit establishment sports an intimate friendly scene — boho in nature — and the place is always a joy to visit, no matter who's playing the small room. But if it's someone you really love, don't miss them here. A few of the shows we've seen there over the last several years — including Nick Lowe with Ron Sexsmith, Robyn Hitchcock, Alejandro Escovedo and a recent awesome performance by the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band — stand as some of the greatest shows we've seen this decade.

Best Bar for Friends Who Finally Hit Drinking Age
Slingers Bar & Grill
11791 Farmington Rd., Livonia; 734-421-6070

Despite the unassuming exterior of its squat building in Livonia, inside is the most out-of-control liquor party in the metro area. Under the bar's drop ceiling, you're likely to experience serious, eardrum-shivering bass, and a rowdy crowd whacking away at every surface in sight with drum sticks, chanting "Do It, Motherfucker!" along with the music while they stand up on their stools. Why is everybody up there? That's just how it is at Slingers, where they bang, thump and scream standing as high as possible, with lots of wide Midwestern hips at eye level. They have dancing, juggling bartenders, sweet-ass drinks and a barber's chair so they can whirl you back and pour drinks down your throat, topping you off with naughty whipped cream. In short, it's exactly the kind of bar you'd want to take your friends to when they turn 21.

Best Bar to Watch the Horse Races
Green Dot Stables
2200 W. Lafayette Blvd., Detroit; 313-965-1523

Walking into the Green Dot on a sunny day, it might take you a few minutes for your eyes to adjust. It's that dark. But when your vision clears, you'll find a bar that's an old-school version of "plush," with deep seats around a big bar, all set up on a carpeted platform. The televisions stay locked on horse races, giving you a front seat for the Sport of Kings, and you can imagine you're back in the days when racing-nuts would clutch their Racing Form and pound the bar screaming when their horse came down the stretch, only to curse and rush to the pay phone to call their bookie. It's a lot more sedate these days, mostly quiet regulars, and you're as likely to take a bartender-administered trivia test as to watch the race. But still — what character! Green Dot's weekday-only schedule (11 a.m.-10 p.m. Monday-Thursday, until 2:30 a.m. Fridays) makes it a strictly after-work pleasure, but the owner sometimes opens up for weekend Triple Crowners, if there's enough interest. See you May 1?

Best Excuse to Clean Up and Get Dirty Haute to Death Prom at
Temple Bar
2906 Cass Ave., Detroit; 313-832-2822

They call themselves Haute to Death. Sometimes just "H2D" when they're not too hammered to talk, and their motto is "our party could be your life." They have dance mixes whose titles (such as "So Necessary") feature artists from Adult., Depeche Mode and Cybotron to Björk, Missy Elliot and Prince. No shit. The whole thing's a gas. Photographer Jon Dones and painter Ash Nowak play DJs as the minds, ears and faces of H2D, a party they take seriously so we don't have to. All of the duo's faux-pretentious glam-wave titles are part of the playtime ethos that define this once-a-month party craze. And while it's not uncommon for H2D parties to spin on a theme, what they do each May is nothing short of club-culture therapy designed to heal those wretched high school wounds. We're talking about the prom here, kids. That's right — it's some sort of great do-over, a chance to redeem yourself on the dance floor and wear a tux or gown on your terms.

Best Bar Resurrection
Alvin's
5756 Cass Ave., Detroit; 313-638-6300

Alvin Stillman opened the doors to Alvin's Finer Delicatessen in 1968; its second owner, Barnie Surowitz, helped turn it into an iconic joint. In 1982, George Korinek partnered up with Surowitz to make some changes. The duo attained a liquor license to add the Twilight Bar, and built a stage. Over the decades, Iggy has played there, so have John Lee Hooker and Joni Mitchell. It was legendary, but in recent years there was a long stretch when you didn't know whether Alvin's was open or closed. The historic Cass Avenue venue — also home to the legendary hip-hop nights hosted by the late D-12 rapper and Eminem confidant Proof (DeShaun Holton) — had been mismanaged for the better half of the '00s, earning a bad rep and locked doors. Rumors swelled about renovations and one-off shows, then, out of nowhere, Alvin's was resurrected, fully. Not only does the bar host weekly jam sessions on Tuesdays and Wednesdays and book local talent as varied as blues-hound Johnnie Bassett and indie-folkster Mick Bassett, but they've also added an alluring bar food menu, offering that which can be washed down with Pabst, or something local from Atwater or MCBW. There's been a sound overhaul to match the aesthetic improvement too: the front windows have been replaced by a large glass garage door that opens up for outside seating, and there are HD flatscreens and wi-fi Internet access.

Best Bar Improvement
Sound at the Magic Stick 
4140 Woodward Ave., Detroit; 313-833-9700

There's nothing like a good concert in a small room with great sound. It's intimate in every way a concert can be: Bodies bump each other, sweat drips from wet bangs into Jack and Cokes gripped by rollicking strangers, and you can see the band as much as they see you. And when it comes to more intimate live venues, the Magic Stick's one of America's best — so says Rolling Stone. Having said that, there's one way to fuck it all up — bad sound. No matter how much we drink, if the sound engineer or the system sucks, we're screwed. Till quite recently, the Stick's rep had begun to slip due to crap sound. The venue was having difficulty negotiating the subsonic bass of hip-hop shows, and we couldn't hear the rappers. Likewise, the room swallowed the sound of any band with more than three members, and buzz-kill technical difficulties were as rehearsed as the show. We're pleased to report that things are not back to normal. The Stick now sounds sick.

Best New Venue
Majestic Café
4140 Woodward Ave., Detroit; 313-833-9700

The historic Majestic Theatre complex (owned and operated by the beloved Zainea clan) has seen its fair share of updates in recent years, including the addition of the Alley Deck bar, which immediately proved to be a popular summer chill spot. Last year, we witnessed a drastic overhaul of the Majestic Café restaurant. It's still called that, and you can still find food there but there are fewer tables, because the space has been reconfigured for an even more intimate music venue than what the Magic Stick can offer. Joining the ranks of Crofoot's Pike Room in Pontiac and PJ's Lager House in Corktown, the Majestic Café is so small you can toss in 50 hungry scenesters and it looks full.

Best Gallery/Venue After Midnight
5 E Gallery
2125 Michigan Ave., Detroit

Culturally enriching and undoubtedly funked up, the 5 E Gallery — dubbed after the killer Detroit hip-hop crew 5 Ela — ain't only Detroit's staple urban-centric art spot, but it's the city's best bet when it's late night and you're not even close to being ready for home. Founded by 5 Ela's DJ Sicari as an outlet for the Detroit art and music community to come together and take part in expression, the main mission of the city-centric nonprof is to increase public awareness of the arts community through rather tasteful urban art exhibitions and singular educational programs. Its secondary mission is simply to show a good time, and the gallery is not short on those. From fashion shows to graffiti demos, break-dancing competitions, dance parties and live shows, 5 E is an eclectic and insomniac venue that rocks well past midnight. (At press time, the gallery is set move into a new home, the former Zeitgeist Gallery at 2661 Michigan Ave., five blocks west of 5 E's current location. Founder DJ Sicari recently said in an interview that he's excited to stay in the same neighborhood and that the new space is "bigger, better, it has a back patio and a stage.")

Best Reason to Start (or Stop!) Going to Bars Again
Smoking Ban

We feel for the smokers among us — including many on MT's payroll — and know the gravitational pull nicotine has once drinks are downed. And we're braced to hear you all whine. But get over it. Other states have made the leap, and smokers have somehow survived. At least take comfort in the fact you'll be making all sorts of new pals who'll be showing up at bars much more often now that they won't be exposed to nauseating fumes or waking up in the morning with the nasty smell of stale smoke permeating clothes and hair. Then again, we'll still have to endure the car fumes, human exhaust, city smog, rank processed air inside buildings and the wretched perfumes of others. ...

Best Popcorn
Main Art Theatre
118 N. Main St., Royal Oak; 248-263-2111

Though you wouldn't really consider the cool indie dramas, art-house epics and cult trash that the Main specializes in to be "popcorn pictures," this Royal Oak institution sure has a touch with everybody's favorite cinema snack. Who knows why it's so damn good? It could be the ample helpings of butter that the friendly staff is all too happy to lather on; could be the secret weapons are those do-it-yourself seasonings. Either that or it's the particular in-house popper, and the smart blend of popping corn, oil and salt.

Best Indie Film Theater
The Burton Theatre
3420 Cass Ave., Detroit; 313-473-9238

As the chains continue to build ever-grander multiplexes in farther-flung corners of the suburbs, the prospects of a new cinema option downtown seemed highly unlikely at best. Apparently no one told the maverick crew of onetime Landmark employees who converted a portion of the former Burton International School into Detroit's newest must-visit cultural attraction. They came charging out of the gate with an audacious and sometimes controversial programming slate that highlighted everything from foreign gems (Spirit of the Beehive) to exploitation classics (Dolemite). Even more incredible was the ambitious weeklong independent film festival that showcased dozens of local talents and brought in big guns such as zombie maestro George A. Romero. All of this in a semi-desolate section of the Cass Corridor that had been left for dead. The rebirth of cool starts right here.

Best IMAX
The Henry Ford 
20900 Oakwood Blvd., Dearborn; 313-271-1570

Ignoring the inherent irony that a historical museum would be home to the most state-of-the-art film technology, the Henry Ford is in fact the best place in town to experience the mind-blowing best in Hollywood amusement. While the Science Center has that funky, '70s style dome seating, and some of the other chains claim to have IMAX, they just can't compete with the 6-story-tall, 84-foot wide monster screen on display in Dearborn. We won't bore you with the tech specs, but an IMAX frame is 10 times larger than a standard 35 mm frame, the xenon lamp is nearly as bright as the sun, and the sound system has more bass and subwoofers than a lowrider convention. If you're shelling out extra scratch for 3-D, this is the way to go, and right next door you can see butter churned at Greenfield Village — all the more reason to be thrilled you have modern entertainment options.

Best Lesbian Bar
Stiletto's
1641 Middlebelt Rd., Inkster; 734-729-8980

For more than 14 years, Stiletto's has been among the most, if not the most, popular lesbian bars and clubs in Metro Detroit, and it has been a Metro Times fave for long-ass time. In short, the drag nights are a downright blast and a half, and such performers as Trixie Deluxxe get the ladies whooping and hollering. Wildside Fridays are theme nights, but Saturdays are the most popular, as the club presents what they describe as the "women's largest dance party."

Best Disco Party
Macho City
at the R&R Saloon, 7330 Michigan Ave., Detroit; 313-849-2751

When DJs Mike Trombley (a onetime Sights drummer) and Scott Zachariask first brushed the cobwebs off their collections of disparaged disco tunes of yesteryear, did they have any idea what they were on to? This monthly party celebrates its one-year anniversary of "disco debauchery" on April 24 — and it's a year that's been marked by capacity crowds, lines down the street at the motley leather bar R&R (who'd have ever thunk it?) and an amazing and varied guest list that includes everyone from blogger Supergay Detroit to French disco queen Nancy Fortune, from one-man funk machine Publicist (aka Sebastian Thomas, drummer for Trans Am) to enigmatic Italo-disco futurist Black Devil Disco Club. With Year One offering such hip-swiveling, sweaty goodness, we can only imagine what Year Two will bring.

Best Bar to Get Your Candy on in Booze Form
Hard Luck Lounge
15410 Mack Ave., Grosse Pointe Park; 313-884-5825
10 W. Adams, Detroit; 313-974-7470; hardlucklounge.com

Hard Luck Lounge has a lot to recommend it — the mirthful staff, the fetching Vegas-y decor (Peter Lawford, natch!), the neighborhood-drinking-hole-meets-classy-lounge aesthetic. But the real reason to frequent this east side den (and a second location, soon opening downtown) is for its candy-flavored cocktails. Of particular note is the red fish, which comes in martini and shot form, and tastes exactly like Swedish Fish candy, those delectably chewy gummy fish with the off-putting motto "A Friend You Can Eat!" It has the flavor, but none of the teeth-sticking side effects. Plus, it's alcoholic! So popular are these sweet-tasting libations that Hard Luck recently launched its own brand of 70-proof, candy-infused vodka, Hard Luck Candy. Current flavors include Red Fish and Root Beer Barrel, which make for dandy candy booze, indeed.

Best Spot for a Poetry Reading
The Scarab Club 
217 Farnsworth St., Detroit; 313-831-1250

The historic Scarab Club was built on literature. Literally. A poem by Gordon Damon, along with other items, is sealed in a time capsule within the building brick. For more than 100 years, the club has been a home for the arts in Detroit. And it's still going strong today. Check out the "Downtown Literary Arts Series," 2 to 4 p.m., Sundays, for free readings by local and national writers. The venue also hosts the Woodward Line, a monthly poetry series co-sponsored by Springfed Arts of Metro Detroit.

Best Place to Spot a Random Rockabilly Band Mid-Week
Berkley Front
3087 W. 12 Mile Rd., Berkley; 248-547-3331

It's true, Berkley might not be metro Detroit's most rock 'n' roll burb, despite the fact Marshall Crenshaw and Curtis "Booger" Armstrong (Revenge of the Nerds) hail from here, and the MC5's Rob Tyner settled here for many years. Yet the Berkley Front, with its impressive selection of hand-pulled and bottled beers, is one of the damned coolest music venues in the entire region. It's not strictly a rockabilly bar, and the gig listings show a diverse selection of bands on offer in any given month. Still, somebody in charge of the booking over there is a fan of '50s-esque rock with Gene Vincent-cum-Stray Cats hairstyles and double basses, because it seems like anytime anybody ventures in off-the-cuff with a random desire to see some live music, a band like Desolation Angels is ripping up some white trash boogie, wearing jeans with over-large turn-ups, sporting some frankly frightening sideburns and singing of hot rods, chicks, drinking and drinking with chicks. Which, let's face it, on a Thursday night in the suburbs, is shit-fire awesome. Who knew the McCarthy era was so free, easy and tolerant?

Best Jukebox to Find that Song You First Smoked Weed to in High School
Gusoline Alley
309 S. Center St., Royal Oak; 248-545-2235

Yeah, yeah, we've been chirping Gusoline's juke for what feels like ages. It wins a staff pick nearly every year, and that's no mean feat, 'cause we swill nightly at all colors of shitholes that sport great jukes. But here, after one flip through its plastic pages, we are instantly reminded of the perfect ninth grade soundtrack to our first-ever bong hit. Nestled amid such indie-ish stars as Supergrass (RIP) and the Super Furry Animals, you get punk classics like the Pistols' Never Mind the Bollocks and the Clash's London's Calling; you'll also hit play on such locals as the Grande Nationals and Detroit Cobras, or such ever-perplexing perpetual college dorm heroes as Pink Floyd and Zappa, and probably Robert Johnson's mythical lost song. We recommend playing the heady "suicide selection" by sliding in a few bucks and punching up random numbers. You'll never be disappointed, and, if you happen to be in the correct toxic haze, you might discover a gem of a tune that you'd never, in a million years, listen to.

Best Place to Visit a Brothel Without Really Visiting a Brothel
Loving Touch
22634 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; 248-546-3644

Here's the deal — up until the early '90s, the Loving Touch was one of those proletariat-friendly "massage parlors" your mom shook her head about when you were a kid. Part of the WAB building, it lay dormant for the best part of two decades until it reopened as a very cool (in the best, most linear of meanings) bar in 2008. Owner Chris Johnston retained the old moniker and kept just enough of the natty seediness — with his tongue firmly in his cheek — to give the place an amusing, if not fetching, ambient glow. While the place is a respectable hipster hangout these days, it's hard to sit and work a beer without at least letting your mind drift into what may have been real carnal carnage that Loving Touch's walls have seen.

Best Place for Sushi and a VIP Party
Ronin
326 W. Fourth St., Royal Oak; 248-546-0888

While it has nothing to do with De Niro's near-perfect caper flick, the care that went into designing Ronin is obvious, its sorta Bauhaus simplicity, from its dim lighting to ultra-low tables, gives off a warming kind of rhythm and feel; whoever designed the place was a real aesthete, to be sure. Figure in the socially gifted servers — plus owner Hugh's greeting grin — and the main room's ambience rivals the badass VIP room upstairs, where all manner of frivolities go down. The sushi is, arguably, among metro Detroit's best, and there are menu items available for those who aren't necessarily piscivorous, or those who shun raw chow.

Best Place to See a Band That You Thought Had Broken Up Decades Ago
Clutch Cargo's
65 E. Huron St., Pontiac; 248-333-2362

Whether it be the Happy Mondays or the Psychedelic Furs, the great and cavernous Clutch Cargo's will always jump the nostalgia train just for you, and God bless 'em too. See, we need those bands who've stubbornly stuck around beyond their peak popularity if only to remind us of little lovely Julie McCullough in seventh grade. Thing is, there's still a mad audience for "hits" tours — by once-cutting-edge bands, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, the only bands making a living are mostly those whose best days are past and are now out playing the old songs. Beyond that, Clutch Cargo's, between its packed club nights and special events, isn't just about vet acts. Hell no. At press time we're looking forward to the Extreme Midget Wrestling show coming through the Clutch! Neat!

Best Place to Watch Blues and Jazz While Sucking Down Prime Filet
Dirty Dog Jazz Café
97 Kercheval Ave., Grosse Pointe Farms; 313-882-5299

Isn't that the perfect name for a Detroit jazz and blues place? Dirty Dog — it suggests inner city grime, of shadowy characters blowing horns late at night under garish neon to the sound of hooker heels tapping back and forth. You picture some guy called Phil "Dirty Dog" Taylor, straight out of a David Goodis novel set in 1950s Philly, or something. ... Well, the Dirty Dog isn't that — no, it's beautiful and well-kept in silk wallpaper, elegant table seating, ornate fixtures and statuary. And there's a menu to match. The music's played — in a very intimate setting — with various emotions that go lengths to set the night's tone, and it's dirty, lovely, soaring and inspired, sometimes all at once, by such artists as jazz poet-philosopher Mose Allison, George "Sax" Benson and local forever-blues diva Thornetta Davis. Seats vanish quickly so it's recommended that you arrive early.  Better yet, make a reservation.

Best Place to Still Get Pulled Across a Dance Floor by Your Eyebrow Ring
CityClub
400 Bagley St., Detroit; 313-962-2300

Like a scene out of The Crow, CityClub has been the best S&M-tinged industrial music club in Detroit for 20 years, and it seems that there will always be a place for the leather fetish Goth peeps to meet. You'll see piercings that defy nature, and probably a gas mask or two. But you won't see strap-on training or tinkle sports, and other such dungeonesque things. It's a subterranean club, sure, but law-abiding. The music pumps, in that post-apocalyptic, KMFDM way. Those outside the scene might think that it's a vision of hell, and that's the point. It's all harmless, fun mimicry; some dressy-upsy and dancing, and everybody looks like they're having a jolly old time. Yes, even the perpetual, grim-faced downers.

Best History to Keep Swinging
Baker's Keyboard Lounge
20510 Livernois Ave., Detroit; 313-345-6300; bakerskeyboardlounge.com

With the buzz as a newer hip spot, consistent local offerings and some big-name events (like the Hot Club of Detroit's collaborations with James Carter and others), it's not surprising that Cliff Bell's has upset Baker's usual status as the readers' choice jazz spot. Baker's near-demise due to multiple financial issues has been news the last two years, and the acts don't have the consistent panache of a decade back, let alone the heyday. But don't count the world's oldest jazz joint out. Along with newer names on the marquee, there are such longtime local faves as Dwight Adams and Dennis Coffey. And the club's 76th anniversary celebrations kick off May 1, starting with the superb Claude Black Trio plus the Netherlands-based singer Denise Jannah (hailed by no less than Gary Giddins as one of the great heirs to Ella et al. to arrive in the last quarter century). We could go on about the history, the romantic wall booths, the sight lines, the sound, the soul food, the vibe.

Best Sound System that Nobody Knows About
Paycheck's Lounge
2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; 313-874-0909

It was one of the premier rock 'n' roll venues in the city back in the '80s, but the last couple of decades have been hard on Paycheck's. However the owner, Paycheck, has installed new lighting and a sound system, and hired a couple of soundmen whose ears are not made of tin, and the venue is slowly but surely building its rep back up. During Blowout, it is one of the better venues in terms of sound. The challenge is getting similar crowds in year-round, but recent shows have certainly lifted the venue's local rep.

Best Place to Check Out Art on the Wall While Listening to Live Indie Rock
Belmont
10215 Joseph Campau St., Hamtramck; 313-871-1966

You know that thing when you get to a show early in order to check out the opening bands or emcees, and they all suck? Unless you're with a group of buddies all determined to have a good time no matter how lame the music, the support act can quickly become an endurance test. Thankfully, the Belmont took the initiative and tackled the issue by covering its walls with work of local artists, all up for sale. It's not always great, but it's usually interesting. Lean against the pool table and gaze at a warped caricature of a Rubenesque chick, nude. What could be more appealing than that?

Best Place to Revert to an 18-Year-Old Slayer Fan
Blondies
2281 W. Fort St., Detroit; 313-964-1000

Like Alvin's, the Blondies name has been resurrected, in a new location, and metal is the order of the day. A quick look down their listings, and such names as Entombed, Obituary and Death Angel jump out in spiky leather jackets. The original club shuttered in '94, but in its time played host to such bands as Slayer, so the owners seem to have picked up where the original location left off. And this place is beautiful. So, all you young dudes, grow your hair to your ass, wear surly expressions, rinse that musty Metallica T with the Pushead art and dust off your patched denim. War ensemble!

Best Bar That Shares Its Name With a Legendary Bar
Bookies Bar & Grill
2208 Cass Ave., Detroit; 313-962-0319

Back in the late '70s and the '80s, Bookie's was the place that Detroit punk bands like the Sillies, the Boners, Destroy All Monsters and Coldcock called home. UK bands like the Damned and the Police loved playing there. It was, by all accounts, an awesome punk rock club. Fast forward 30 years, the punks have all grown up and there's a new Bookies in town. It's over on Cass. This one has a classy wine bar feel, with the decor veering toward '30s Chicago gangland. Same name — plus or minus an apostrophe — very very different place. There is, in fact, a killer rooftop patio, cozy VIP rooms and a huge HD screen. It's a cool, even graceful, place to hang, and the one thing it has in common with the old Bookie's is that it still hosts live music, although you're more likely to find a DJ or a sports bar throwdown.

Best Place to Pay Way Too Much for a Drink While Listening to Banging Techno
Capital Square
205 W. Congress St., Detroit; 313-226-1200

You have to really want to get in. The cover charge can be $30, and there's a mandatory coat check. But fans of electronic, techno and house music love this place, and the crowd that shows up each weekend suggests that people will quite happily pay gobs for a vodka and Red Bull if the tunes bang, the DJ is quality and the lights are a-flashing.

Best Place to Feel That Hip-Hop Bass Yank at Your Spine
The C-Note Lounge
18912 Van Dyke St., Detroit; 313-366-1190

Want the real-deal hip-hop mind-blow? Want to hear the words spat at you, not to you, as street rap should be, like the emcee's larynx is a loaded weapon? Want to feel tinges of menace in the air, imagined or otherwise? The C-Note Lounge, open seven days a week until 2 a.m., can mean some posturing from some emcees, but dig it: The open-mic nights are a blast and the amateur talent here is phenomenal.

Best Bar Band
The Hell Drivers

OK, before their fans grab their weapons of choice and storm the MT offices like the final scene out of Frankenstein, we're not trying to be cute or deliberately mean ... but just attempting to prove a point, MT was flooded with letters when Brett Callwood described this group of mostly Detroit all-stars as perhaps the city's "best bar band." You'd have thought we said they sucked. But we want to emphasize that this was not an insult or intended as such. We were, after all, big fans of the Detroit Wheels, Mitch Ryder & Detroit, Cactus and the Rockets and full of respect. But we also consider a bar band — especially "best" bar band — to be a compliment. Springsteen & the E Street Band called themselves a "bar band" for years, even after they were selling out arenas. The Smithereens still call themselves a bar band. And George Harrison once said the Beatles were never better than when they were a "bar band," playing clubs in Liverpool and Germany. We'd hate to see what would have happened if we'd really have been intent on insulting these killer Detroit musicians (though we still do think they should drop the Iggy cover ...).

Best Bar for Respectable Daytime Drinking
Cass Cafe
4620 Cass Ave., Detroit; 313-831-1400

The Cass Cafe isn't some windowless dive you patronize when you want alone time, anonymous and wasted while the sun's high in the sky — no, that'd be the Bronx or Honest John's or some other old-man joint in the hood. You go to the Cass when you're shameless but can still hold yourself together in public, like a pro drinker, when you want barstool wisdom but long for conversation that's more "day"-friendly. It has just the right balance of Corridor grit and college campus wit, and it's where your two cents can be of value to an overheard conversation. When the bar pours $2 Ghettoblaster beers, it's easy to stick around, all while the irksome sun pours through those smudge-free front windows, reflecting the edges of the pleasing local art on the walls. It's one of the best public atmospheres we can picture in which to write, study, chat, eat, sketch. As you drink the afternoon away, notice those doing the same, their laptops up, their pens on paper, and their glasses emptying at a mighty good clip. No reason to feel guilty about a good day buzz, mister, soused or not.