If Mom only knew 

Q: For almost two years I have been sleeping with and having sex with this guy. We really enjoy each other's company — not only sexually, but just being together. The past year I have fallen in love with him and he with me, but we have to keep this relationship a secret. Why? We are cousins. Our family would kill us if they ever found out. We didn't know each other when we were growing up. I was raised in this country and he was raised in our ancestral country. We met when he came here, got to know each other, then this secret love affair started. We can't help the way we feel for each other. We know we can't be together the way we want to be. We both still want to do what we do for a while although we know we shouldn't. What should we do? Stop seeing each other and suffer the pains of parting or keep on and risk the consequences?

A: What else is there besides stop or don't? You don't say how old you are or anything about the customs of your culture. Both of these are major influences on the situation. In many cultures it's quite usual for cousins to marry and laws differ from state to state here on how close is a too-close blood connection. I suggest you two sit down, perhaps with a trusted third party, and weigh your options carefully. If you decide to continue your relationship, perhaps this person could help you pave the way to being open with your family.

Q: I am a healthy, middle-aged, reasonably good looking man who doesn't have a problem meeting women. I have a hot button, though, and I would like very much if the woman I was seeing would push it. I love a clean, hairless pussy. It would be great if I could spend the rest of my life with a woman with a bare pussy. I wouldn't care if her head was bald, as long as her body was too. I would be happy and try to make her happy too. But I could never ask a woman to shave daily. I know from experience how much time and care it takes. Most women would probably tire of the task and soon resent it. There are, however, women already hairless who have nothing to do to maintain their baldness. The condition is called alopecia areata. I think you can see where I'm going with this. Wouldn't it be nice if I could meet a group of women (knowing that each has what I want), and find one that I can make a personal connection with? Do I dare let them be aware of the nature of my interest? A bald woman might feel freakish and unattractive, but I could make her feel beautiful and desirable. I don't have a computer so I don't know if there is anything on the Internet. Do your readers have any suggestions?

A: Public libraries have computers or a friend could do a search for you. Perhaps you or a woman friend could scout out the public baths or clothing-optional clubs or beaches. As I see it, however, this is a perfect situation for a personal ad stating exactly what you want. You'll be surprised how many women already keep themselves shaved or would be happy to for their man ... particularly if you helped with the ... er, housekeeping tasks.

Q: I am dating this man and when we are intimate he has a hard time ejaculating. His erection stays but he just doesn't cum. Do you have any suggestions on how I can cause him to ejaculate? I've tried oral sex. I basically know his weak spots. But for some reason he gets almost to the point of ejaculating and it just doesn't happen. He and I both think its just in his mind. He says this happened in his last relationship. But I want to make sure that he's satisfied when we are intimate. Do you have any suggestions?

A: This is not "just" in his mind. It is a psychological problem. How big of a problem depends on how you and he look at it. A professional diagnostic manual would call his problem "retarded ejaculation." The rest of us might say he's "cum shy," like pee shy, only different. The easiest thing on both of you would be to ask him whether he is satisfied and to believe him if he says yes. You can ask him if there is anything more or else he would like you to do and believe him if he says no. You might suggest he bring himself off at the end of a sexual encounter, but he may not be able to in your presence. In any case, this issue is his to resolve when he learns to relax and trust you and/or to ask for exactly what he needs to let go. Isadora Alman is a licensed marriage counselor and a Board-certified sexologist. You can reach her online at her Sexuality Forum (www.askisadora.com) or by writing to her care of this paper. Alas, she cannot answer questions

Speaking of Love & Sex, Ask Isadora

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