Gun moll goes wild 

Pinch me and I’ll shoot

So when did St. Patrick’s Day become a weeklong celebration? Starting last Monday, people everywhere were using this silly little holiday as an excuse to dress up in stupid green outfits, consume mass quantities of green beer, and get unabashedly shit-faced in honor of their so-called “heritage.” (Apparently, if you are even 1/100 Irish on your half-cousin’s grandmother’s uncle’s second wife’s side, this is still good enough to warrant drinking yourself into a stupor to celebrate your lineage).

With so many possibilities on Saturday, I opted to pass on the block-long lines at assorted Irish pubs and scope out St. Andrew’s for the CD release of American Disaster, the latest from Detroit’s reigning kings of glitter-punk, the Trash Brats.

I strolled in just in time to catch the Junk Monkeys, who were — of course — all decked out in green. On the sidelines, and free of any shade of emerald, were Jasper Unfriendly and 12 Angry Steps guitarist Todd Mang, out to support the Steps’ drummer Glenn Swig, who also twirls the sticks for the Monkeys.

In between hunting down Brats Brian Oblivion (or I guess that would be O’Blivion for the occasion), Ricky Rat and Toni Romeo, I came across Rebecca Crimmins from Bravo Dance Studio in Shelby Township, mommy-to-be Kristin Farnen of the Labyrinth, the dreadlocked Jay Vuksan, and at least one guy dressed like a leprechaun, Scott McCarty and his pal Danny Bay. Another young lady in green, toting a feather boa so she gets style points at least, was sinographer Amy Cook from Henry Ford Hospital. Learn-something-new-every-day, lesson 1: A sinographer is an ultrasound technician. She was accompanied by Kraft Foods pusher Dana Mattocks; both the lovely young ladies were lamenting that they’d never get to appear in the Metro Times, when I happened to wander by. Well, at least I got your names in.

Some unwitting victims of my camera were wacky plaid-wearing punk-emo-whatever-you-call-’em kids Tim Wells, Nichole Allison, Jess and David Ex, and big teddy bear Kurt Borows. The five of them decided to take a breather and sprawled out across the St. Andy’s floor — geez, don’t you guys know the kinda stuff that ends up on that floor? Ew.

Next up, there was a raffle for some prize giveaways. Lucky winner Christy Hammer from Images Salon in Plymouth was riffling through the goodies in her prize bag with Jenny Thompson, girlfriend of Brat drummer Craig Cashew. The booty (that’s pirate talk for treasure, you know) included a Faygo soda, a bag of chips, a poster, a T-shirt, a Bob-Lo harmonica, and the real gem, a toy M-16 assault weapon.

Another pair of winners were the King and Queen of Detroit Naughtiness, Noir Leather’s Keith Howarth and girlfriend Karen Lackner. Howarth, being the super swell guy he is, obligingly gave me his M-16, commenting that he thought I would have fun with it. And, boy, did I.

Learn-something-new lesson 2: A toy assault weapon at the bar can be quite the handy little tool. For example, out of money? Whip out your piece (the toy gun, I meant the toy gun!) and demand the full beer held by that meek little wallflower in the corner. Got the hots for that heartbreaker over there? Hold the gun to your head, approach the tasty treat in question and say, “I can’t go on living another minute unless you give me your phone number.” The possibilities are endless. However, be cautious when exiting the bar. I was rather anxious venturing out into the po-po-laden streets of Greektown at 1 a.m. clutching an M-16 — and attempting to tuck it away in the folds of my black vinyl trench coat didn’t seem like a wise option either.

Body designs

Gallery 212 in Ann Arbor has recently moved on to new digs at Liberty Street. Friday night was host to an opening reception for the latest show, “Evolution Part 2,” showcasing work from AWOL, Marco Garcia, Kirk R.J.L. Roda, and Not Paul Sullivan. The reception also featured a body-painting by artist Mark Arminski, who decorated the upper torso of lovely model Julia Ingalls with a porcelain white base, black scales and orange bursts of color, while Audra Kubat of Stunning Amazon performed. Attendees included other artists in the show — Tom Thewes, Ron Zakrin, Stephanie Greene and Rick Lieder — as well as CPOP Director Mary Harrison, photographer Anthony Kahn, artists Rachel Reed and Jorge Galvez, Girlee member Mary Herbek of Alquimia Humana, and Mark Sawasky and Djeto Juncaj from the Immigrant Suns.

For more titillating displays of flesh and adornment, keep your eyes peeled for the 212’s upcoming Painted Mile showcase April 17.

Movie news

Speaking of Tree Town, a benefit concert was held at the Heidelberg Club on Sunday, to fund the independent movie Something Lost, Something Found, which is currently being filmed. One of the DEMF’s headliners, Mike Clark, came together with a barrage of local musicians, including Jennifer White, Tommy Dalton from Sixteen Cylinders and Eric Abby from Superdot, to perform a first-ever conglomeration of house, Latin house, live musicians and a jam session. The film, penned by U-M film student Robert Fischer, is a detective flick filmed in various local hotspots in Ann Arbor, including the Firefly Club and the Blind Pig. Once completed, the film will be shown at the Michigan Theater for a student showcase night, and then Fischer plans to shop it around the film festival circuit.

Info wanted

Detroit hip-hop artist Shannon Reece, also known as “Science,” was found slain in January. Detroit Police Lt. Steve Dolunt is conducting an investigation, and is looking for information. Anonymous tips can be directed to the Homicide Section, Squad Eight, at 313-596-2260 or directly to Dolunt at 313-596-2303.

Sarah Klein writes here every other week. Got gossip, insider info, outrageous cries for publicity? Write, or call the tip line at 313-962-5281. Press * then dial

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