A: I always understood it to be life that was a bowl of cherries, not a vagina. Anyway, no matter how passionate your probings, that's where the cherries were lodged, not inside your lover's womb. Since the vagina expands upon arousal, I grant you that the cherries were eventually beyond the reach of tongue, perhaps of fingers, even of prehensile tail. Any woman who has ever forgotten a tampon inside her will tell you that her body announced the long-term presence of a foreign object with odor, itching, discharge, maybe outright pain. Decaying fruit, with its high sugar content, would certainly create an imbalance like a yeast infection. Should you ever again suppose that your sexual creativity has left behind souvenirs which other methods fail to dislodge, this is where douching might come in handy. If all else fails, the staff at your local emergency room has seen it all, I assure you.
Q: I'm pretty much a homebody, but about once a month I take a long drive to a small town to visit my best friend. I come alive while we’re out. I attract men easily; it's not uncommon for my friend and me to bring home two or three men every night while I'm visiting. We've even had two men in the same bed together with us. Here's the problem: I have a boyfriend who has been away since September and probably won't be back until next September. I love having a boyfriend, but I don't want to give up my monthly excursions with my best friend. Should I forget my fun and settle down? Is there a way to have both without someone getting hurt?
A: I hope you know my style well enough to know that I won't tell you what you should do. Secrets do seem to draw eventual hurt feelings the way manure draws flies, so here are some questions to help you reach some conclusions: Can you really be sure that one of your playmates isn't a cousin or school buddy of your boyfriend? What about disease concerns? Unless you and the fellows are covering yourself head-to-toe with latex or restricting your activities to safe ones, you are engaged in high-risk behavior. What is it about having a boyfriend that you love so much? Would some other arrangement work better for you? How do you anticipate things changing when the boyfriend returns? Do you want to be monogamous then? Finally, examine the possibility that you have been avoiding the sexual aspect of your feelings with your gallivanting girlfriend and that the rest of the cast is extraneous.
Q: My kinky fantasy, which I have only been able to live out a couple times, is evidently so usual that even sexually liberated people become uneasy when I mention it. I'm into B&T: Bondage and Tickling. To my knowledge, there is no subculture to support this, no feather bars where tickle tops wear their feathers on the left hip while those into bottoming wear their on the right. Tickling is the only sensation that can match pain and orgasm for intensity. Bringing someone to the edge of hysteria without causing them to lose it completely, giving breaks to catch breath and recover sanity, is enormously exciting. And, of course, turnabout is only fair play. I am male and interested in females who would be starting as the ticklee. Any suggestions?
A: I love the idea of strolling into an S&M bar (which could also denote "stand and model" in any type of see-and-be-seen gathering place) sporting a feather on the left. What a conversation starter! But the last line of your letter would make a great opening line for a personal ad. Encourage potential devotees of the art who may have some doubts to respond anyway. People are always looking for additional ways to combine love and laughter. Isadora Alman is a board-certified sexologist and a California-licensed marriage-and-family therapist. Contact her via this paper or firstname.lastname@example.org. Her Sexuality Forum is at
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