A: Learn to say no. It will serve you on many future occasions (and would have on several past ones too). And, start looking for another job while your boss is still in a good enough mood to give you a good reference.
Q: Let me first say I love your column. I have learned a lot from you and your readers. I am a 29-year-old female with a wonderful lover who is very well-endowed. We both enjoy sex very much. As we're having intercourse something happens that embarrasses me. I'm not sure what it's called, maybe vaginal farting. Could you please explain what this is and why this happens? The first time it happened he freaked out but now has come to accept it and even tries to make it happen. Am I one of the few this has happened to?
A: These vaginal farts (or "varts", as a friend dubbed them) are sometimes called queefs and are more a response to the fit of two individuals than to one or the other of you alone. Air gets into your vagina when the two of you have intercourse and makes that noise when it escapes. I would bet it doesn't happen in all sexual positions with you two, only some. Should you want to avoid them, have him withdraw completely, press down on your abdomen, and "burp the baby." Otherwise, just enjoy the fact that you make a wider variety of bed noises than most couples.
Q: I am a 30-year-old gay male. I have a best friend of 10 years who is married and has three young kids. About four years ago we became involved in a sexual relationship. We go camping, go to parties together; we do everything together. His wife has no idea about our relationship. She has no idea I'm gay. The sex is more than great and we love each other like crazy. I know this is wrong. His wife and I are great friends too. My friend wants our relationship to remain as is. I just wish he could make up his mind between me and his wife. What should I do?
A: What should you do? What can you do? Accept this as the ongoing situation it is, that there are some things you can have of him and some things you cannot. If you can't accept it, bow out gracefully. If you force him to choose you will probably lose. Here is a man who is having his cock and eating it too. Isadora Alman is a board-certified sexologist and a California-licensed marriage-and-family therapist. Contact her via this paper or email@example.com. Her Sexuality Forum is at
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