Banging the boss 

Q: I am a 40-year-old woman who works for a small company. I am married for the second time and have two children from my first marriage. Recently at a retirement party for one of the girls from my office, after a few drinks and after the guest of honor had gone home. I was alone with four guys. One is my 62-year-old boss. Of the other three guys, all in their 30, one was Spanish, one was white and one was black. We were all feeling no pain and I decided to do a little dance for the boys and give my boss a lap dance. I have to say I was getting really turned on. My boss suggested we move the party upstairs from the private room in a hotel where we were and he went and got a room. Once upstairs the music was turned on, drinks were poured and I started dancing again, doing a striptease until I was naked. I ended up in bed with the three younger guys while my boss sat back and watched. While I was having intercourse with one, the other two would be kissing and fondling me. After many orgasms, I went over and gave my boss a blow job while he stroked my hair. It was a wild night! At work the following Monday I felt a little awkward, but nobody said a word. The next night my boss took me to dinner and later back to his office where we had sex. Since that time we have been seeing each other on a regular basis, usually dinner and sex. We are both married and have been discreet in the office. Now he says that he loved seeing me banging those guys and asked if he could have a party with me as the entertainment. It was a great night and I had fun, don't get me wrong, but I don't think it's something I want to repeat. I also don't want to lose my job or lose what I have with my boss. Can you give me any advice?

A: Learn to say no. It will serve you on many future occasions (and would have on several past ones too). And, start looking for another job while your boss is still in a good enough mood to give you a good reference.

Q: Let me first say I love your column. I have learned a lot from you and your readers. I am a 29-year-old female with a wonderful lover who is very well-endowed. We both enjoy sex very much. As we're having intercourse something happens that embarrasses me. I'm not sure what it's called, maybe vaginal farting. Could you please explain what this is and why this happens? The first time it happened he freaked out but now has come to accept it and even tries to make it happen. Am I one of the few this has happened to?

A: These vaginal farts (or "varts", as a friend dubbed them) are sometimes called queefs and are more a response to the fit of two individuals than to one or the other of you alone. Air gets into your vagina when the two of you have intercourse and makes that noise when it escapes. I would bet it doesn't happen in all sexual positions with you two, only some. Should you want to avoid them, have him withdraw completely, press down on your abdomen, and "burp the baby." Otherwise, just enjoy the fact that you make a wider variety of bed noises than most couples.

Q: I am a 30-year-old gay male. I have a best friend of 10 years who is married and has three young kids. About four years ago we became involved in a sexual relationship. We go camping, go to parties together; we do everything together. His wife has no idea about our relationship. She has no idea I'm gay. The sex is more than great and we love each other like crazy. I know this is wrong. His wife and I are great friends too. My friend wants our relationship to remain as is. I just wish he could make up his mind between me and his wife. What should I do?

A: What should you do? What can you do? Accept this as the ongoing situation it is, that there are some things you can have of him and some things you cannot. If you can't accept it, bow out gracefully. If you force him to choose you will probably lose. Here is a man who is having his cock and eating it too. Isadora Alman is a board-certified sexologist and a California-licensed marriage-and-family therapist. Contact her via this paper or askisadora@sfbg.com. Her Sexuality Forum is at

Speaking of Love & Sex, Ask Isadora

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