All in the mind? 

• I must respond to your Mr. Bendy column and counter your advice. Don't go to a doctor! I have a Mr. Bendy too. In high school I was self-conscious about sex with my girlfriend. It hurt her. Though we rarely had intercourse, I had premature ejaculation when we did. I confessed to my parents in 11th or 12th grade, told them I had a bendy and had problems with it. They sent me to a doctor who said I had Peyronie's disease and immediately set me up for surgery on my penis. I shared that with my principal (I went to a hippie alternative school) and he told me to go to this shrink. I went, he looked, then he said that my problem was in my head! Now as a deeply satisfied sexual man of 40 I can thank him for sparing me that obviously unneeded trauma. I might also mention what Cher told Jack Nicholson in Witches of Eastwick, something like "sex was so great with you, especially because of your curved penis."

Because you turned out well is no reason for him not to see a doctor. When surgery is recommended, it's always a good idea to get another opinion ... but not necessarily from a psychiatrist. A bent penis is not psychosomatic. —Isadora

• Please tell your 55-year-old reader who has DBS (Droopy Balls Syndrome) that he is not alone. This 66-year-old man has noticed it for the past four years. I reluctantly queried a few of my male friends who found it amusing, but they did not have this problem. I wish that toilet manufacturers would pay attention to this problem and alter their design. For my own toilet I have found that a padded toilet seat gives me that extra fraction of an inch so that my balls do not dangle into the cold water. Now for another complaint: Why do hotel sinks have to be so high? I like to wash my penis before 69 or after having messy sex. I can't just hang my cock into the sink because it is too high and the hotel does not provide a step stool.

And they don’t provide bidets in the United States, a fixture designed for washing the genitals of both sexes and far more sanitary than hanging a cock in the sink where one brushes one's teeth! Why they are not demanded by hygiene-conscious Americans is beyond me. —Isadora

• The man with the DBS may need to have his scrotum and/or testicles surgically repositioned as the testicles are more prone to torsion if the supporting element becomes stretched. Tell him to go see a physician, preferably a urologist.

• Some comments as a member of the HHS (Heavy Hung Society) for those who think that having a big dick is all lilacs and roses. Admittedly, there is a lot of ego gratification that goes with the territory in this size-minded culture, and I assume there's the heightened sensual pleasure that would seem to go along with a greater supply of nerve endings. But there are also some disadvantages: Wet genitalia, (Yes, it hangs down that far — balls, dick and all — on at least half the toilet seats I sit on), too-tight condoms and covert glances from the guys in the neighboring urinal or gym shower. You can't wear boxer shorts or tight jeans unless you want to show off your bulge, plus vaginas ("You want to put that in me?") and mouths ("You want to strangle me?") are not quite big enough for your dick. Just thought I'd share.

Maybe you can get together with the DBS guys and educate the makers of bathroom fixtures, condoms and underwear. —Isadora

• I am reacting to the letter from "Wanting to be wanted." I know exactly how this man feels because I have been there too. I chose to stay with my wife and be there for our children. I am convinced that individuals who suffer from depression simply are not able to reach out to a spouse intimately. So I respect my wife for how much she tries and because she has been a nurturing mother. I have simply taken care of myself by fantasizing and masturbating when she is not available to me. But I still have a big feeling of emptiness inside, sadness in my heart and unfulfilled sexual yearnings.

• I have read several times in your column about premature ejaculation. I wonder if you know about using the antidepressant Zoloft. I showed an article about it to my doctor and he gives me Zoloft, knowing that I will not abuse it. I take one 50 mg pill approximately 4 to 5 hours before sex and one more 1 to 2 hours before sex. I last much longer with this and notice no side effects. Isadora Alman is a board-certified sexologist and a California-licensed marriage-and-family therapist. Contact her via this paper or Her Sexuality Forum is at

Speaking of Love & Sex, Ask Isadora

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