All in the family 

Q: I've been fond of a relative's wife for quite a long time. (The relative is not an immediate family member, but I'd rather not get too specific.) They live a good distance away and we don't see much of each other. After becoming more attracted to each other within the last few years, we recently went to bed together. This was actually our second sexual experience together — she shocked me with fellatio earlier this year while her husband slept in a room down the hall. I have certainly been a willing participant, though I feel badly about the betrayal I've committed against my family. She says she loves my relative, but that he is very selfish in bed and inattentive in other ways. I am still very attracted to her; she already speaks of how she looks forward to the next time we’re together. I know it would be wrong to do this again — but how should I handle myself? Aside from our physical attraction, we've also become very good friends. It would be awkward trying to avoid her at family gatherings — even if I wanted to.

A: The defining characteristic of a very good friend is being able to talk with her about difficult subjects. Here comes the test of your friendship, kiddo. Be friendly — but not in the least flirtatious — when you next meet. Avoid being alone with her. If she puts the moves on you, tell her exactly what you've said here — that you're fond of her, but that you feel guilty betraying your relative and are unwilling to do it again. Then, make sure that you don't.

Q: I'm a lesbian in pursuit of casual sex. Since I've had just a few chance one-night stands and have mostly been in committed relationships, I'm at a loss over where to look. Massage ads seem mostly for heterosexuals; I'm also scared of being arrested for solicitation. I can't seem to find the clubs with back rooms. I don't think there are any outside of San Francisco and New York City. I wish more women were like me.

A: You have my assurances that you are not a sexual unicorn. Bars have been the traditional meeting place for those interested in quick sex. Even if they have no back room, chatting up a likely prospect and then asking if she'd like to come home with you is not unheard of. Mostly in the major cities, sure, but strip clubs often have nights for women, while other places have play parties for those of all orientations. Lastly, many heterosexual swing clubs allow single women in free — and more than a few women who identify as straight are looking to experiment with woman-to-woman sex. Be creative, be daring and read the ads carefully. You'll find others seeking what you want.

Q: I am a 25-year-old bisexual woman with a new boyfriend. For some reason, I can't come without ejaculating buckets. It was great in the beginning, because I have multiple orgasms and it was this huge, physical sign that he was making me come. This was a turn-on for him; it helped him come as well. Two months later, however, we are both fed up with doing laundry. We also have ridiculous amounts of sex — when we have a full day together, we get it on four times. Although I have always been a squirter, I wasn't having such a problem with my ex-girlfriends, because we didn't have sex as often. We also weren't fucking so much — it was more clitoral stimulation, and the crazy stuff seems directly related to my G-spot. Is there a way to train myself to have G-spot orgasms without ejaculating? The sex is fantastic, and I know we're both lucky, but I'm hoping there's an answer to this besides sticking to the clit or having less sex.

A: How about buying a few extra towels and keeping them handy by the bed? Isadora Alman, author of Doing It: Real People Having Really Good Sex, is a board-certified sexologist and a California-licensed marriage-and-family therapist. Contact her at Her Sexuality Forum is at

Speaking of Love & Sex, Ask Isadora

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