Best Bar for Under 30 

The Wurst Bar 

705 W. Cross St., Ypsilanti; 743-485-6720; wurstbarypsi.com. 

When someone says that a bar's a "total sausage-fest" the allusion is to an establishment where horned-up young dudes go to unfurl sexual exploits over beers the size of their biceps (or so they'd like to think) and take turns hitting on the handful of women who either work there or mistakenly stumbled inside. The Wurst Bar, albeit a total sausage fest, is not this kind of bar. Nay, this is where thirsty, hungry twentysomethings go to drink cheap beer and indulge in gourmet burgers and sausages, such as the rabbit-chicken-and-fig sausage, the rattlesnake-and-chorizo sausage and the uncased alligator-and-crawfish sausage. If you like meat, not meatheads, this is your bar.

Best Bar to Meet Someone

The Sugar House

2130 Michigan Ave., Detroit; 313-962-0123; sugarhousedetroit.com

On a recent night out at the Sugar House — a Prohibition-style "speakeasy" tucked somewhat inconspicuously next to that one barbecue joint in Corktown — a millionaire housewife and a punk rock drummer met at the bar. A New Orleans jazz duo helped set the scene and, after a couple well-crafted sazeracs and something else that was lit on fire before being poured, they pulled their chairs close and kindled a connection that could be described as intoxicating. If potential lovers pay as much attention to each other as these bartenders do the drinks, then life at this house shall forever be sweet.  

Best Club for the 

Libidinal (Horny) Crowd 

 

Best Dance Club 

in Detroit

Leland City Club

400 Bagley St., Detroit; 313-962-2300; lelandcityclub.net

City Club is only open on Friday and Saturday nights (from 10 till 4:30 in the morning!) because if it were open any more nights we'd see an immediate depletion in the productivity of the regional workforce. That is to say, a night at City Club gives you the opportunity to get out what you put in. And people put in. Evidently, they also put out. Getting confused? That's the point, kinkster. DJ Pleasure Kitten and her cohorts rock the decks in platform boots, latex and leather to hordes of whorish revelers. If you like to moan and move to Depeche Mode, find a mate at City Club. Also, you can dance.

Best Bartender

Jay Brown at Delux

350 Monroe St., Detroit; 313-962-4200; deluxlounge.com

When we called over to Delux to find out why it is frequent visitors to this downtown lounge like the way Jay Brown gets down, we spoke to a co-worker who at first said it might be too hard to give us the gist because he thinks of the guy (with whom he competes for tips) as a brother. "Best person I've ever worked with" was the direct quote. Asked why drinkers like to indulge in Brown's services, we learned that the man at hand maintains the essential tools it takes to tend bar the right way: "He's funny, energetic and quick. He has a certain charm." 

Best Dive Bar, 

Wayne County

Old Miami 

3930 Cass Ave., Detroit; 313-831-3830

With a garden out back that provides the perfect place for Movement Festival day parties and nighttime bonfires, this Vietnam Vet bar indoctrinates you in Cass Corridor culture. The drinks are stiff, the service comes more with a smirk than a smile, and you never know what sort of eccentric is sitting next to you. It's one of the best places in the region to strike up a conversation with a stranger. Yes, strangers. Your parents were wrong about a lot of things. Like when they told you life gets better. Sorry. It doesn't. Now belly up to the bar and start living life by the drop. 

Best Dive Bar, 

Oakland County

Gusoline Alley

309 S. Center St., Royal Oak; 248-545-2235 

But where's their website, Metro Times? Oh, perhaps you don't fully comprehend what a dive bar is. But here's a perfect learning opportunity, which is also a good enough excuse for a shot of whiskey! See, dear reader, a real dive bar doesn't care about a freakin' website. They don't need social media friends. Thank god. You're lucky they even have a phone number. What do they have, you ask? A decent selection of brew, a jukebox that'll blow your mind, a staff that gives it to you straight, and a gang of genuine regulars. If that one guy with the missing teeth looks at you like your eyes are vomiting and your shoes stick to the bathroom floor, you know you're in the right place. 

Best Dive Bar, 

Macomb County

TIE 

Sandbaggers Bar & Grill 

25615 Van Dyke Ave., Center Line; 586-759-5900; sandbaggersbg.com

The Alibi Bar

7266 E. Nine Mile, Warren; 586-759-3930

We don't mind a bar with a slogan. Even if it's kind of generic, that's fine as long as it's genuine. Sandbaggers is self-proclaimed place for "Good times, good food, and great friends." All that's missing, they say, "is you!" You'll find NASCAR mirrors, electric darts and flirty women in their forties at this unpretentious east side shot-and-a-beer barroom. And the Alibi is an intimate room where the booze flows and barstool storytellers belly up with their tales of misadventure. From Wednesday through Sunday, karaoke careens from the depths of the diaphragm of many a seasoned drinker with songs as familiar as the folks that frequent this joint. At some point, everyone needs a good alibi.

Best Dive Bar, 

Washtenaw County

TIE

The Tap Room

201 W. Michigan Ave., Ypsilanti; 734-482-5320; taproomypsi.com

Alley Bar

112 W. Liberty, Ann Arbor; 734-662-8757;alleybarannarbor.com

Around in various incarnations since 1941, the Tap Room has long been a staple drink spot in Ypsilanti. Today, with Michigan unbeatable beer and drink deals that can't be beat, open-mic nights, and some fine obligatory karaoke, this bar is dimly lit, offering just enough light to play a few games of pool or shuffleboard. All in all, it's an elbow-on-the-table, anything-goes kind of joint with above-average bar food and the kind of service that invites a return. For a dive, Allwy Bar sure does carry an arsenal of top-shelf bottles, including a number full of single malt scotches. There are some notable rarities as well, such as Russell's Reserve Rye, which you might want to try in a sazerac! But what the Alley really loves pushing is the Pickleback: a shot of whiskey (preferably Jameson, they say) chased with a shot of local pickle brine. Keep your eyes out for their annual Prohibition soiree this summer.

Best Honky-Tonk Bar

Diamondback Saloon

49345 Southbound I-94 Service Drive, Belleville; 

734-699-7899; diamondbackslaoon.com

If it weren't awesome enough that this authentic country-western barroom is right off the interstate, they also offer dirt cheap beer, live music and, yes, plenty of dance lessons. There's a classic car show coming right up and word is Diamondbackers like to play games, too. Some (ahem, Foreplay Thursdays) evidently end with sloshed patrons and seductive staff baring a whole lotta skin! Hotrods, hot bods and cowboy boots? Let's kick the tires and light the fires, Cochise!

Best Irish Pub

Old Shillelagh

349 Monroe St., Detroit; 313-964-0007; oldshillelagh.com

So what if actual Irish folks actually steer clear of the Old Shillelagh? Located in the heart of Greektown (isn't that so Detroit?) this bar is Irish by name and by color, and gallons of Guinness (you can order 20-ounce mugs) and barrels of Bushmills whiskey can be found here. For the full-on Irish experience, Black Mist performs upstairs every Friday and Saturday night. But if it's a game day, the Old Shillelagh is as 'Merican as it gets. 

Best Karaoke, 

Wayne County

Rockstarz Karaoke Bar & Grill

33729 Ford Rd., Garden City; 734-522-7744; 

rockstarzbar.com

If "karaoke" literally shows up in the proper name of a bar and they don't win this category, something would be painfully wrong with this world. (Not like there already isn't, but you know what we mean.) Specializing in public humiliation and private parties (bachelorette, corporate, you name it), Rockstarz Karaoke Bar is fully equipped to enhance your karaoke experience. Period. 

Best Karaoke, 

Oakland County

Sneaker's Pub & Grill

22628 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; 248-545-8243 

Ferndale, once unabashedly funky, is in the throes of transition, not unlike Royal Oak's evolution (or de-evolution depending on what side you take in the Gusoline vs. Blackfinn juxtaposition) a decade ago. Cleaner, fancier, slightly more pretentious establishments keep cropping up in Ferndale. Thank the lord there are still funky joints like Sneaker's, which maintains patronage from neighborhood regulars, hipsters and war vets in need of hip replacements. Folks from the music scene pop in to belt out a kitchy tune — but so do their mothers. 

Best Karaoke, 

Macomb County

Limelight Sports Bar

30200 Van Dyke Ave., Warren; 586-751-7883; limelightsportsbar.com

The self-proclaimed "Home of Detroit's Longest Happy Hour" which extends from the utterly jubilant hours of 11 a.m. to 7 p.m., the Limelight is the kind of bar that wants to keep you once they get their hands on you. It's an easy enough task with tallboy mugs of cold brew for less than $3. While specials change daily, the clientele does not. Not really. The folks here are on a mission to let loose, and they've been known to belt out a song or two on their way to looseville every Wednesday and Friday from nine till close. 

Best Karaoke, 

Washtenaw County

Powell's Pub 

625 N. Huron St., Ypsilanti; 743-484-1484 

This is a dart league bar. If you're not sure what that means, leave now. Other than the dart thing, Powell's Pub is an everyman's drinking den, your home away from home. Domestic beers run you the price of a few hours in the parking meter. And each and every Wednesday and Saturday night, when strong Long Islands put you out just six bucks, Washtenaw revelers grab the microphone and sing like their lives depended on it. OK, that's a bit much. But fun — that is, overindulgence in fun — is had nonetheless. First guy to do "Free Bird" gets dick-punched. 

Best Happy Hour, 

Wayne County

Michael Symon's Roast

1128 Washington Blvd., Detroit; 313-961-2500; roastdetroit.com

Arrive for the spit-roasted beast-of-the-day tacos, or perhaps a "must eat this before you die" bacon-and-egg burger, before rubbing elbows with regional movers, shakers and midday bakers. What's that, Roast has the cure for mega-munchies, you say? We do say. But the beer doth flow at Roast, with Michigan-made pints being a fave among the happy hour crowd. But the real deal comes via the vino, with provocative red and whites from around the world. 

Best Happy Hour, 

Oakland County

Kona Grill

30 E. Big Beaver Rd., Troy; 248-619-9060; konagrill.com

If the words "sushi," "martini," "beer" and "deal" elicit instantaneous positive biological reactions in your brain (and perhaps other body parts), then you are the sort who might discover your happiest hours inside the confines of the Kona Grill. Every single day of the week, Kona boasts two blocks of time dedicated to cheap indulging: from 3 to 7 p.m. and again from 9 to 11 p.m. 

Best Happy Hour, 

Macomb County

Wiseguy's Bar & Grill

42305 Garfield Rd., Clinton Twp.; 586-263-0300; wiseguysbarandgrill.com

Playing off the well-trod Italian stereotype of being connected to organized crime, the "wiseguys" are all about family; and when you walk through the door, you're welcomed in as such — unless you're a mook. Any time you spend here will likely be time well-spent, but those hours set aside for premier happiness are what put Wiseguys on the map. On Sunday nights, drinks are 50 cents off, on Wednesdays, ladies enjoy a dollar off their drinks, and on Thursdays, there are specials for both sexes on tallboy beers and top-shelf liquor. 

Best Happy Hour, Washtenaw County

Sidetrack Bar & Grill

56 E. Cross St., Ypsilanti; 734-483-1490; sidetrackbarandgrill.com 

There are all sorts of happy hours going on at Sidetracks. So many, in fact, that there's no surprise this place took home the gold. Dig it: From 4 to 6 p.m. Monday through Thursday, pints of kind beer run $3.25 and all wine is half-off. Mmmm. Wine. It gets naughtier later in the night: The liquor is half-off from 9 p.m. to 1 a.m. Sundays and Mondays, and from 10 p.m. to 1 a.m. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursdays, and from 11 p.m. to 1 a.m. Fridays and Saturdays. That's a whole lot of booze for not very little many bucks. Don't get sidetracked, get sloshed at Sidetracks. 

Best Bar for 

Sunday Funday

Dino's

22740 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; 248-591-3466; dinoslounge.com

Abiding by the good ol' Wayne and Garth mantra, Dino's tries to deliver a "Party Time! ... Excellent!" experience every day of the week. And the crowd becomes increasingly boisterous for a Sunday. Fortified by a hearty brunch menu that includes a "French Toasted" breakfast quesadilla, a "Bacon Buttermilk" pancake, and a "Buffalo Chicken" frittata, Dino's customers are known to really indulge in their bottomless Bloody Mary deal. Dino delivers a bevy of ingredients that let you customize your Mary's makeup again and again. Or you might take advantage of the fleet of Mimosa pitchers.  

Best Fetish Party 

or Fetish Night

The Dirty Show: International 

Erotic Art Exhibition

dirtydetroit.com

The Dirty Show is definitively sexy, subversive, and sublime. Every year they draw closet freaks and voyeurs into a private-public arena where exhibitionists mix it up with leashed lovers and suggestive aerial artists, deviant dominatrix and vintage vixen steam punk sluts. Masked faces. Naked bodies. The patrons mirror the art on display, and each year there's no shortage of either. Twelve years into it, and Dirty's eccentricity, its inherent evocativeness, continues to, um, dominate. 

Best Sexed-up Waitstaff 

TIE

Luna

1815 N. Main St., Royal Oak; 248-589-3344; 

lunaroyaloak.com

Hooter's

Novi, Roseville, Sterling Heights, Taylor, Troy; 

hooters.com

At Luna, you make your way to a table or bar and acclimate to your new environment — one that consists of lasers and dry ice, Portishead-Prince-Passion Pit mash-ups and stiff drinks — and you realize you're surrounded by a team of totally bangin' beauties. They're the kind that make you want to write a '90s slow jam, remix it, and dance until you're sweaty and hot. At Hooters, on the other hand, the sight of the signature white shirt pulled tight over her body, tucked into a pair of equally taut, high-hip orange short shorts is the brand. Lots of sexual tension for boys (and girls) too. Better than the menu. Sexy and saucy since 1983. 

Best Dance Club

 

Best Club Night, 

Oakland County

 

Best Dance Club 

in the Suburbs

Luna

1815 N. Main St., Royal Oak; 248-589-3344; 

lunaroyaloak.com

With a specific set of alluring and affordable music themes and drink specials running Wednesday through Sunday, Luna's wicked ways are fueled by a earnest proclivity for escapist, dance-floor fun. Uptempo electro pop — and up-tempo remixes of downtempo electro pop from yesteryear and yesterday — is at the core of what fuels frolic at Luna. And they've a squadron of sex kitten dancers that'll blow your dirty mind. 

Best Bar for a 

Last-Call Hookup

Boogie Fever

22901 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; 248-541-1600; boogiefevercafe.com

A perennial, libidinal winner, Boogie Fever has defined itself as a place where mature women prowl for boytoys and a seemingly endless brigade of bachelorette parties swoop in wearing sashes, sucking out of penis straws, shaking their shit when Blondie drops. Some men hover, trying to get noticed or happen upon a dancing partner, a woman who just might be another kind of partner. Not to say there aren't well-intentioned dudes there too. But they're probably DTF just as well. 

Best Club Night, 

Wayne County 

L!V Resto

641 Beaubien St., Detroit; 313-962-9548; 

livrestolounge.com

Historic Bricktown is a neighborhood we know a thing or two about — and you know what? — it really needed a good kick in the ass. We're happy to see our readers agree that L!V has provided a welcome infusion of nuanced nightlife opportunities. A reputable rotation of DJs (Sicari, Equad) make their way through the week. We've seen DJ battles, one hell of a St. Patty's party, and who could forget the official Fela! afterparty? When the votes came in, it was clear that Thursday's weekly house series Life at L!V is a clear fave. One recent Thursday night, they put on a Prince Party, which was advertised as a mature kind of soiree, a night of debauchery dedicated to Prince. Women got a free "Purple Drink." 

Best Club Night, 

Macomb County

Score's Ultra Lounge

37722 Van Dyke Ave., Sterling Heights; 586-977-0123

Scores might be super casual, but that doesn't mean they don't get super crazy. They specialize in crazy. They've perfected their pleasure-providing capabilities into something that could be sold for a fortune if only its allusive down-home quality could be captured. Until then (or at least for one more year), it'll stand alone in Macomb as headquarters for the wildest and wisest late night freaks of the east side. 

Best Club Night, 

Washtenaw County

 

Best Dance Club, 

Washtenaw County 

Necto Nightclub

516 E. Liberty St., Ann Arbor; 734-994-5436; necto.com

Necto's incredible drawing power when it comes to pulling in those from outside of Washtenaw County played a big part in this new round of wins for Necto, Ann Arbor's heathen haven. It's a veritable brothel full of DJs and insatiable dance music consumers. Gays, goths and house heads all get a designated night throughout out the week, and Saturday is still the biggest club night per capita in the region. Yo. Party house supreme. VIP services available. 

Best Lesbian Bar

Stiletto's

1641 Middlebelt Rd., Inkster; 734-729-8980

For several years, Saturday nights have been a draw for hundreds of women who make their way to mix, mingle and make out. But throughout the week, this absolutely fabulous bar offers male and female impersonators, gay and lesbian bands, singers and comedians. Yeah, this Stilletto is one-size-fits-all. 

Best Gay Bar

Menjo's

928 W. McNichols Rd., Detroit; 313-863-3934; 

menjosbar.com

Serving it up for Detroit's gay community for more than 35 years, Menjo's never takes a day off, always ensuring there's good space to grind, gallop, giddy-up and get down. The bar attracts more of a mature crowd on weekday nights, and on the weekend, or whenever there's a big dance night, the bar attracts more boys. There's a new sound system and dance floor, and a patio for when it gets too steamy indoors. Menjo's has a killer rep for good times, but given its location it comes with one catch: parking.  

Best Strip Club

Penthouse Club

20771 W. Eight Mile Rd., Detroit; 313-541-7000; penthousegentlemenclub.com 

The undisputed king of the Eight Mile strip, the brand-name power behind the Penthouse Club catapulted it to the throne shortly after it opened. Known for attentive service, cleanliness and very good food, it's really the roster of voluptuous and tempestuous women that maintain the club's excellent reputation. The Penthouse is more fancy than it is freaknik, but driven by primordial lust all the same. 

Best Burlesque 

Troupe

Detroit Dizzy Dames 

dizzydames.com

Lushes LaMoan, the Hardest Working Showgirl in Detroit, is the maven who leads the Detroit Dizzy Dames, a group known to pop up all over town with their fiery brand of attention-grabbing burlesque. The other seven or so dames do the damn thing with cutesy restraint and devilish satisfaction. What sets them apart is their respect for the tradition of the craft. Real burlesque ain't easy. But watching it is! That they prove every time the lights go low and these lovely ladies take to the stage. 

Best Jazz Club

Best Blues Club 

Cliff Bell's

2030 Park Ave., Detroit; 313-961-2543; cliffbells.com

Regular jazz had been conspicuously absent from downtown for years when new owners — Paul Howard, Scott Lowell and Carolyn Howard — restored and reopened this classy spot in 2005. (It had been dormant for three decades, and it was hard to tell whether the club had been transported to the present or you'd gone back in time.) They quickly found a winning synergy between a classy art deco setting, superior food and drink offerings ... and jazz. Not just any jazz — the quality stays high — but a wide variety of sounds finds a home here, from the sometimes twisted (next month, for instance, there's Imaginary Homeland out of New York, which bills itself as "African fiddles, talking drums and jazz") to the more straight ahead (RJ Spangler with an organ jam, saxophonist Mike Monford, singer Jarrod Champion and pianist-bandleader Scott Gwinnell are weekly-to-monthly roster names). We're guessing that the blues vote is driven mainly by the hip-factor of the jazz and club in general. That's not to discount Spangler's regular forays into various shades and derivations of blues for his organ jam nights, or a big blues shindig next month.  

Best Musical Open-Mic 

or Jam Session

Black Lotus Brewery

1 E. 14 Mile Rd., Clawson; 248-577-1878

When it comes to a good jam, our readers put the entertainment at this Clawson microbrewery over the top. Past acts on the stage have included the Brothers Groove, Black Bottom Collective, Sean Blackman and more. In addition to hosting various entertainers some Friday and Saturday nights, Black Lotus has a popular Monday Night open mic, run by local recording artist Nadir and audio guru Steve Szajna. Or drop in Tuesday nights around 9:30 for regular performances by "world groove project" Zap Toro.

Best Bottled Beer Selection in a Bar

 

Best Draft 

Selection in a Bar

One-Eyed Betty's

175 W. Troy Ave., Ferndale; 248-808-6633; oneyedbettys.com 

Congrats, Betty! What a momentous, game-changing award for One-Eyed Betty's, a fresh and welcome addition to Detroit's ever-evolving beer and live music scene: a tasteful and unpretentious beer house, where you can enjoy brews from around the state and around the world. The service is solid, and the food is a step above your average bar. Let's do the numbers: She carries 44 beers on draft, 74 in the bottle and two in the can. Betty is far from average. She's a total babe. 

Best Bar for a Martini

Goodnite Gracie

222 S. Sherman Dr., Royal Oak; 248-544-7490; goodnitegracie-ro.com

Life is good at Gracie's. The martinis are imaginative and well-executed, rightly priced at happy hour and still worth every penny they charge at any time of day or night. The staff is just as attentive as the crowd is attractive, and when everyone's snugged tight inside this intimate Royal Oak drink spot, with a soundtrack provided by expert providers such as DJ Joshua Adams, you can really take a moment to reflect on how good life, and a really well-made martini, really is. 

Best Bar for 

Bloody Mary

Vivio's Food & Spirits

2460 Market St., Detroit; 313;393-1711; viviosbloodymary.com

Eastern Market's venerable dive bar, Vivio's takes booze just as seriously as they do burgers. But Bloody Marys are their booze-infused speciality. Is it the sidecar of cold pilsner accompaniment that makes it so good? Is it the spicy house-made mix? Is it the top-shelf vodka? It's all three and you know it. You love it! And you want more of it! 

Best Bar for a 

Classic Cocktail

The Oakland, Ferndale 

201 W. Nine Mile Rd., Ferndale; 248-291-5295; 

facebook.com/artnoveltycompany

Classic cocktails in dimly lit, well-designed bars are all the rage right now, and while the Sugar House holds it down in Corktown, the Oakland in Ferndale is a nighttime favorite for the movers and shakers who like to mix it up in pre-Prohibition style. Don't let the sign on the door fool you, the Art Novelty Company is the Oakland, and their master craft is the highly complex and considerable cocktail we bet you'll come to love. 

Best Jukebox

Gusoline Alley

309 S. Center St., Royal Oak; 248-545-2235

Dirty, gritty, goes-good-with-drinkin' jazz and blues gets mixed up with punk, funk, country and early grunge from the likes of Neil Young and Sonic Youth. Tom Waits lives next to Wilco and Howlin' Wolf, while Muddy Waters rubs elbows with Elvis Costello and James Brown. Feed the juke; you only get out of it what you put into it!

Best Bar for  Trivia Night

Woodbridge Pub

5169 Trumbull St., Detroit; 313-833-2701; woodbridgepub.com

If you thought handcrafted cocktails were a popular bar fad, you haven't been paying attention to the swarming, sloshing popularity of bar trivia. You bring your friends, we bring our friends, they bring their friends and we get together in small groups, drink copiously and compete against gangs of strangers, answering questions about music, film, history and sports. Drinking's fun. Drinking and racking your trivia-laden brain is funner. Woodbridge is your premier place for booze-infused trivia throwdowns.  

Best Casino

 

Best Casino Slots

 

Best Casino Craps

 

Best Casino Poker

MGM Detroit 

1777 3rd St., Detroit; 313-465-1777; mgmgranddetroit.com

Talk about a sure bet! Wow! Just about sweeping the casino categories, taking the top prize for guaranteed fun and potentially lucrative slots, craps, and poker tables, MGM Grand, with its amazing restaurants and dance clubs, is far and away Detroit's favorite casino. 

Best Casino to See a Show

Motor City Casino

2901 Grand River Ave., Detroit; 313-237-7711; motorcitycasino.com

Sound Board is an increasingly popular venue inside the Motor City Casino, hosting the likes of Hall and Oates, Boys II Men, Steve Martin, and epic throwback shows such as this summer's Summerland concert, which, for one night, will take us back to 1998 with Everclear, SugarRay, the Gin Blossoms, Lit and Marcy Playground sharing the stage. A big room with big sound, odds are a Sound Board show delivers icons you adore for prices you appreciate. 

Best Hip-Hop Venue

St. Andrew's Hall

431 E. Congress St., Detroit; 313-961-8137; standrewsdetroit.com

The Shelter is the bunker beneath St. Andrew's Hall where, at one point or another, every emcee and DJ in Detroit gets the chance to prove themselves in front of a bunch of rap-devoted Detroiters, many of whom help recognize the hip-hop elite and then do whatever it takes to support and grow a greater rap community. Rap battles still go down on the regular. If you don't know, know you know. It's bigger than hip-hop. It's an institution. 

Best Hip-Hop Night 

Blue Collar Gentleman, Old Miami

3930 Cass Ave., Detroit; 313-831-3830

All kinds of rhyme-prone characters show up to Blue Collar Gentlemen parties. It's an event where the underground rears its ugly head and everyone who's paying attention pays their respects. From time to time, there's some unexpected cameo, and the night gets becomes fleeting folklore. You never know who's going to bless the Blue Collar microphone, but you can bet your blunt that multiple rappers rapping in multiple styles will go toe to toe until someone lights that mic da fuck up. If you're looking for solid, non-shiesty-ass dudes in regional rap, this is where you need to be. It's like that. 

Best Rock Club 

PJ's Lager House

1254 Michigan Ave., Detroit; 313-961-4668; 

pjslagerhouse.com

Spending regular time at PJ's Lager House would lead you to believe that upstanding and locally focused American rock clubs are alive and well. We're spoiled and we know it: It's one of the few perks of being a Detoiter. And PJ has done one hell of a job making sure that the Lager's legacy remains intact. Knowing they had to be as badass as any of Detroit's badass rock 'n' roll bands, the Black Keys used to travel up from Akron just to cut their teeth on that stage. Here's to Detroit! 

Best Comedy Club

 

Best Comedy Open-Mic

Go! Comedy Improv 

261 E. Nine Mile Rd., Ferndale; 248-327-0575;

 gocomedy.net

The entire Go! Comedy team meshes in a way that makes for the potentially gut-busting funny times that sardonic siblings often provide. To re-create that magic, metro Detroiters make their way to Ferndale's Go! Comedy, the new home of improv around these here parts. Go! also offers programs and workshops through the Improv Academy. Each week, two improv teams go head-to-head in an improv battle; the audience decides which team moves on. And the Soapbox events blend improv and storytelling. There's a lot going on. All of it awesome. 

Best Folk Venue

The Ark

316 S. Main St., Ann Arbor; 734-761-1800; theark.org

The Ark has to be one of the most intimate of all internationally known music venues. It's like the folk version of the Apollo. Not only does everyone play here, but everyone plays better. The Ark is a nonprofit organization that has set out to enrich our spirits through the preservation, education and presentation of folk, roots and culturally ethnic music and arts. And the venue succeeds with organic grace and folkie panache. 

Best Sports Bar

Rosie O' Grady's

Chesterfield, Ferndale, Sterling Heights; rosieogradysirishpub.com

Finally, a sports bar that presents every game from every sport around the world on at least one of their fleet of TVs (the televisions at the Ferndale location numbers in the hundreds; each booth comes with its own built-in flat-screen). Grady's has become quite the spot to gather as many friends as you'd ever want to, throw back pitchers of beer, split nachos, pizzas, wings or whatever else you might want to consume, and watch the home team kick ass. Arrrgh! Sports!

Best Local Beer

Atwater Block Brewery

237 Joseph Campau St., Detroit; 313-877-9205; atwaterbeer.com

Offering all sorts of provocative yet well-balanced beers that finish incredibly clean every time, Atwater offers quality in an era where craft beer can be ... overhyped? More than a handful of their beers approach perfection. Their cornerstone beer is the Vanilla Java Porter, and new eye-wideners include the Decadent Dark Chocolate Ale and the Voodoo Vator Doppelbock.

Best Microbrew

 

Best Beer 

Bell's Brewery / Bell's Oberon

8938 Krum Ave., Galesburg; 269-382-2338; bellsbeer.com

When Larry Bell got his brewery up and running in the '80s, did he know what an institution it would become? How many beer drinkers thought Blue Moon, Killian's and Newcastle were as far outside the vast landscape of domestic lager we were allowed to travel? Then someone introduced you to a bottle or bought you a pint of Oberon, Two Hearted, or Third Coast Old Ale. We cannot get enough of Two Hearted's crisp cascade of hoppy IPA perfection, and the profile of the Third Coast barley wine still blows our mind. But as Detroiters and Michiganders, the adoration out there for the cloudy golden nectar that is Oberon makes it the undisputed favorite. 

Best Local Liquor

 

Best Vodka 

Valentine Vodka

161 Vester St., Ferndale; 248-629-9951; valentinevodka.com

Who would've guessed that vodka would have turned out to be such a lucrative venture in a down economy? A guy who worked on Wall Street and then moved back to his native state with the mission of perfecting the ancient art of vodka distillation, a process he feels the big booze corporations have lost sight of. Straight outta Ferndale, he's reminding us just how smooth a vodka drink is. Visit their tasting room and learn how Valentine's natural friendship with McClure's pickles makes for an out-of-this-world Motor City Mary. 

Best Scotch

Johnnie Walker Black

johnniewalker.com

Selling more than 130 million bottles of Johnnie Walker a year, this isn't only Detroit's favorite scotch, but the entire world's as well. An 80-proof blend of 40 whiskies aged for 12 years, the recipe is doctrine for blended scotch since 1909. It's smoky, classy and just complicated enough to love.  

Best Bourbon

Maker's Mark Kentucky Straight Bourbon

makersmark.com

The first bottle of Maker's Mark featured the brand's distinctive red wax seal when it was produced in 1958. Every bottle since gets the dip so you know it's legit. No other liquor is allowed by law of copyright. It's that handcrafted quality, too, that makes Maker's Mark such a special bourbon. The original is a regional favorite, but if you ever have the opportunity to try Maker's Mark 46, do so! It's aged longer than normal along with toasted French Oak staves.  

Best Gin

Tanqueray Ultra Premium London Dry Gin

tanqueray.com

Drinkers love a good story. And obviously they appreciate a good drink. When the two come together, it's brilliant. The Tanqueray London Dry Gin made today is absolutely the same as the original product launched in 1830. Made from a signature blend of botanicals (juniper, coriander and angelica root) its well-matched with tonic or in a martini, but we suggest a gimlet. 

Best Tequila

Patrón Tequila 

patronspirits.com

What do contemporary country singers and rappers (and Sammy Hagar) have in common? They absolutely love tequila. Can you really blame them? So sweet and spicy, that stuff really puts a kick in your night. In the last few years, Patrón has become a favorite party-inducer and broken-heart bandage.  

 

 

Elektricity

15 S. Saginaw St., Pontiac; 248-599-2212; elektricitymusic.com

There's simply no denying that Amir Daiza knows how to run a good club and make it successful. The dude has his finger on the pulse of what's happening musically in Detroit at any given time, and he's mad skilled at creating prime venues for those genres. In the early '80s, Daiza owned the notorious Bookies club, Detroit's own answer to CBGB. He was also responsible for bringing such punk and new wave legends as the Police, Ultravox, the Damned, John Cale and Johnny Thunders & the Heartbreakers to the Midwest for the first time, while local bands like the Romantics, Destroy All Monsters and Sonic's Rendezvous Band were all Bookies regulars. Daiza went on to have more success with Clutch Cargo's at the City Club, and later still with St. Andrew's. He still owns Clutch Cargo's, and his latest project is Elektricity, best electronic club, both located in Pontiac.

Elektricity — an all-electronic music venue that's already an international stop for top DJs — opened Nov. 18 last year, a kind of visionary move when one considers the sudden rise in the popularity of electronic music. 

Daiza says that, since '81, his forte has been developing new music in the city, discovering new artists and developing them in this market. "That same philosophy we took with electronic dance music," he says. "That genre of music is, to me, the newest and probably the fastest-growing type of music out there. I'm basically using the same philosophy that we had with rock bands to DJs and electronic music. We're featuring the best of electronic music here at Elektricity."

Despite being widely known for his rock 'n' roll clubs, Daiza is no stranger to electronic music. 

"I was there when it first happened," he says. "Richie Hawtin [aka Plastikman] I found when he was 17 years old. He won a DJ contest that we put together. ... By winning the contest, he became my intern for about three years at the Shelter. I used to have a club on Broadway called the Asylum. Directly across the street, a new club opened called the Music Institute. That was started by Derek May and Kevin Saunderson. The English artists I had playing at St. Andrew's would hang out, and they would see this club across the street, playing techno. They'd go back to Europe and tell people about it. The NME and Melody Maker sent writers over. That was kind of the springboard. So I was there at the beginning. I've always had a liking for that type of music."

Music is one thing, running a club is another. Daiza says that there are many elements to making a good club. "It's not one thing," he says. "Really, to have a good club, the people that come there are most important. They come together and bond because of the music. Music is the key ingredient."

After more than 30 years and many different clubs and events, what keeps Daiza going? What drives him to want to open yet another club with all of the attendant headaches and sleepless nights that inevitably come with it, especially in this town and in this economic climate? 

"The evolution of new ideas and new music," he says. "It excites me. New creative ideas and new music — that's really my inspiration. I get bored of things real easy, so that's the extent of it. I'm always looking for new things." 

Best Art Gallery 

Vim and Vigor 

Whitdel Arts

1250 Hubbard St., Detroit; [email protected]; whitdelarts.com

Whitdel Arts set out to be a gallery that wouldn't feel too much like a gallery. Yet it's still pretty much a gallery — art will hang on the walls or media will project onto screens or elaborate installations will hang from the ceilings — but this place, run by three esteemed women of the arts, each skilled in her own respective forms, be it photography, printmaking or screenprinting, is the approachable kind of gallery. It's an art space to be sure, but approachable like a community center or, perhaps, a DIY rock venue. There may be wine and cheese, but there's no stuffy art gallery feel here. Whitdel displays established area artists as well as it does up-and-comers — beyond that, it pursues educational programming in the form of various art workshops, also reaching out to DIY artists to inform them on how to be a better self-promoter, how to polish a portfolio, just ... how to do it, the artist's life, in a better, smarter way. Nestled in the first floor of the historic Whitdel Building (a stone's throw from the heart of Mexicantown), this is a humble flower of a local art experiment that bloomed from a branch of the Contemporary Art Institute of Detroit — and it's a surprisingly refreshing and enlightening place to spend a Friday evening. Take in some art. 

Best Bukowskian 

Watering Hole

Donovan's Pub

3003 W. Vernor Hwy., Detroit; 313-964-2267

Imagine this. It's midnight and baseball fans decked out in silly orange and blue are crowdin' up your favorite downtown liver-picklin' hole. Hungry? Forget it. Slows Bar BQ is out 'cause it's packed with overfed baseball fans from Howell. You could try to hit LJ's Lounge up the street but it's likely crammed with the same jersey and waistline mix waiting for the queue to clear back at Slows. But, there are safe options for the introverted on the outskirts of (down)town. Enter Donovan's Pub, situated about a half mile up from Slows just before you slip into Mexicantown. More, the nearly vacant area bestows upon the place a cool, soundstage-y, desolate feel, just enough to frighten off the 586ers and 248ists. But inside, it's filled with mirth and booze with no shortage of warm receptions from proprietors or bartenders. The patrons range from career drunks, hipsters and barstool Venuses to off-duty cops, Latino pool-hall commandos and Detroit writers and rockstars. It's like this: cheap beer, keen food and no bullshit conversation. Some call that a community.

Best Dive Bar with a Cocktail Menu

The Painted Lady

2930 Jacob St., Hamtramck; 313-874-2991

Hamtramck's Painted Lady bar has lived a long and charmed life. They've poured beer there since the dawn of the 20th century, and the spot attained local fame as a divey punk club named Lili's for more than 30 years. It's still much the same, serving cheap draft beers and shots of jezynowka brandy, and you'll probably want to dress down and not wear your Sunday best. That said, mirthful owner Andrew Dow has definitely improved the quality of hooch behind the bar, putting a bit more effort into the joint's offerings. There's no cognac, but many varieties of vodka, gin and bourbon grace the bar, as well as some local ingredients, such as Perkins' Pickles and brine. But fear not, boozehounds, other than that, it's pretty much like walking into a bar 10 years ago, starring a cast of drinkers, locals and the occasional alt-weekly journo or two.

Best Neighborhood 

Music Venue 

The Shack

Woodbridge neighborhood, Detroit; woodbridgerecords.com

Say you're out one night wandering through Woodbridge — maybe on your way to a pal's house, maybe on your way to Woodbridge Tavern — and your ears spot the sounds of edgy folk-rock or hip-hop-inflected guitar jams rising from an otherwise innocuous tin building at the corner of Merrick and Trumbull. You've wandered into the world of the Shack. Run by the folks behind Woodbridge Records (home of rock-adventurous downtown fixture acts Noman, the Summer Pledge and I, Crime, among others), the Shack is both a label clubhouse as well as a wink-and-a-nod-invite live music venue. The place exudes the kind of DIY spirit and artisanal, skilled trades ethic that has come to define the neighborhood — and the label. The joint just hosted a double record release party by Woodbridge Records' the Anonymous and the Summer Pledge. The lovely garden out front, the label folks' participation in the community and the constant stream of non-coke-head comers and goers in the 'hood make it seem like a true and well-integrated good neighbor. 

Best Successor to Bohemian Home in Exile 

It doesn't have a name yet

1464 Gratiot Ave., Detroit; [email protected] 

For a few years, Joel Peterson booked some of Detroit's most adventurous music at the Bohemian National Home on Detroit's west side, from ex-Mothers of Invention to the Sun Ra Arkestra to Human Eye to Nathaniel Mayer. After a less-than-amicable falling out with his associates there, Peterson's Bohemian in Exile series has continued the same free-spirited programming in about a dozen spaces, from the Trumbullplex to the Kerrytown Concert House. After three itinerant years, Peterson and company have a space on Gratiot Avenue in Eastern Market, with plans to open a multipurpose performance room, gallery, café and more. We've heard a lot about building the stage and painting and possible names, but not a firm opening date. Shows on the horizon for May and June include Thollem McDonas with Arrington Dionyso, and separate gigs for free jazz giants Charles Gayle and Joe McPhee — either in exile or the new space. 

Best Club to Get It on    Semi-Metaphorically

Elektricity

15 S. Saginaw St., Pontiac; 248-599-2212; 

elektricitymusic.com

Timing is everything in this life, and the stunning word-of-mouth rise of such electronic artists as, say, Deadmau5 and Skrillex, shows us how this Pontiac venue is more than a mere finger pistol at the genre. Sure, the rave and dance scene went legit a while back, in a way, but dance-music heads were without a home where they could count on shimmying to big-name DJs in a space that might allow them to, um, glow and groove. Elektricity changed that. The club sits in the heart of Pontiac's entertainment strip and is solely designed to bring you electronic superstars from around the world, as well as local DJs galore. Dubfire and Ferry Corsten are headlining in the coming weeks and months, and every Sunday provides the opportunity to get sexy surreal in an illuminating way when partiers go all out for GloOut. Bang a gong!

Best New "Venue" for Inventive Music and Pool 

The Loving Touch

22634 Woodward Ave, Ferndale; 248-546-3644

For a while now the Loving Touch has been something of a scenester's hub — we say that lovingly. Until recently, Ferndale's billiard hall (named for a decades-gone massage parlor that had inhabited its space) was the quick and dirty go-to joint for whenever there wasn't that much else going on — decent juke, decent beer, decent access to shooting pool and perhaps a fairly regular sprinkling of your other area friends who probably got the same idea. A recurring theme in local conversations was when the hell Ferndale might get its own Lager House — not some replica, but a modest joint where the underground, up-and-comers and smaller touring bands could roll in with some regularity (backed by a decent sound system). Well, the LT has boosted its music programming of late, and you can expect even more, as management is about to install a first-class sound system. And the new musical milieu? Owner Chris Johnston says they'll break "off some of the mold of the live music model," but expect inventive, quirky and interactive shows such as the current rock 'n' roll tacos events or the "In the Forest" DJ series on Tuesdays. No longer will this be the casual alternative, but a proper competitor for exciting live music entertainment. 

Best Alternative to the Dreaded Elevator Pitch

Detroit Soup, Ferndale Soup 

Detroit Soup: 2051 Rosa Parks Blvd., Detroit; [email protected]; soupdetroit.com

Ferndale Soup: 2350 Burdette St., Ferndale; 

facebook.com/ferndalesoup

Soup is good food. Sure. But when you mix good food with good ideas? Great things can happen. Case in point: Detroit Soup. The setup is powerfully simple. Whether you're pitching an idea or just eating and listening, you pay $5 for a fresh, homemade soup meal. Have an idea that can make a difference in the community? Sign up to make your pitch. Make it short and pithy. Be specific and engaging. Then sit and eat homemade soup and chat with either the folks against whom your idea is "competing" or with the folks who will be voting on which idea will, at the end of the night, get between $600 and $900 in startup cash. If you're not pitching, just show up — meetings are at night — listen, eat and vote. Participatory, connective, self-sustaining entrepreneurship? So totally Detroit. Detroit Soup has made enough cultural inroads that folks in other communities have taken up the idea for their own situations. Case in point: Ferndale, which now has its own Soup night. Simple sustenance. Simply brilliant. 

Best Place to Get Yer    Work on at Night

Java Hutt

165 W. Nine Mile Rd., Ferndale; 248-542-2438; javahuttferndale.com 

Want to settle in somewhere for serious stints of getting shit done with — just, maybe — not too much seriousness. Java Hutt's the ideal encampment. Many local band members, crafters and artists slide through this caffeine-kick chute on their morning commutes — which suggests an inspirado formula in their gourmet brews. But the slow-burning onset of jitters will leave plenty of time to lounge in the dimly lit cafe that also offers divine sandwiches, dips, baked stuff, salads and other healthy sides, as well as the local art hanging on the walls and free Wi-Fi. Suddenly, a curious conga line of oddball locals step through yapping a bit too much after you're a half-hour into cramming for an exam or hacking out some term paper, maybe even writing this very blurb. But you sip more, another half-hour passes, maybe, and — zip-zop-whoa — you're done.

Best Place for a 40-Ounce and Grub at Closing Time

Honest John's

488 Selden St., Detroit; 313-832-5646; 

honestjohnsdetroit.com 

If, like us, you're into cheap buzzes and greasy-delicious, hangover-minimizing meals at night's end, take note: Honest John's kitchen swings its doors until 2 a.m. (Oh, why don't other local watering holes do same?) Also, they serve up your basic 40 of Old Milwaukee, which works mighty sweetly in a pinch. Sure, the cost may be double what you pay for same at a reasonable liquor store. But this is about convenience, yo. Besides, if you're on unemployment and shootin' pool with pals, you'll want a minimum bar tab. If you're a go-for-it day drinker into breakfast, John's opens at 7 a.m. daily. 

Best Free Thing to Do on a Friday Night for WSU Students 

The Detroit Institute of Arts

5200 Woodward Ave., Detroit; 313-833-7900; dia.org

The Detroit Institute of Arts, for most, probably doesn't mesh well with your typical escapist collegiate lifestyle. But, after book-pounding the entire week, broke students looking to get it up for an evening that fits nonexistent budgets, the DIA is an idea that smokes. Open till 10 p.m. Fridays, with free admission for Detroit residents (proof of residency required) the DIA is more than just gallery-gazing on the cheap at one of the finest art collections in the country. There are also free drawing lessons, free music performances, and sometimes other various gratis events pop up too. Movies at the lovely Detroit Film Theatre don't drain your pockets (nor your IQ) either: $6.50 for students with I.D. 

Best Proponent of Local and National Authors and Oddballs 

M.L. Liebler

We love his unironic name-droppage of Kerouac and Keats and Moby Grape, and his unjaded ear for music new and old, and the hours he spends in local record stores, and that glorious snow-white facial hair that's unrivaled anywhere this side of Mark Twain. We also respect that he's an award-winning author who can write, teach, perform — and sometimes even sing and dance! — with the best of 'em. But what often goes unnoticed and should be applauded is how M.L. Liebler is himself a tireless and selfless proponent of local and national authors, big and small, published or unpublished. In fact, he often hosts nights that lift unknowns onto little pedestals that otherwise wouldn't exist. Whether it's bringing in old Ed Sanders to the Wayne State Student Center or hosting readings featuring young poets at the Scarab Club, or those spirited Detroit Tonight Live shows at the Jazz Café that mix rock 'n' roll and jazz with great readings, Liebler brings to our area folks who should be known to anyone with even the slightest interest in literature. And he does this in unpretentious and spirited ways; he doesn't care what people think. Good show!

Best Introduction to Opera

Dr. Opera's Pre-Show Talks, 

Michigan Opera Theatre

1526 Broadway, Detroit; 313-237-7464; michiganopera.org

There's one more set of performances in this year's Michigan Opera Theatre season — Ruggero Leoncavallo's 1892 classic I Pagliacci, running May 12-20. It's also the last chance of the season for the uninitiated to be ushered into the art form of opera by Wallace Peace, aka Dr. Opera. The good doctor operates via pre-show talks that come with the price of admission and start an hour before curtain time. Peace delivers the important musicological context and previews snippets of the music to come, for sure. But, moreover, he makes sure you understand, as only a natural raconteur can, that opera's over-the-top yarns of love, lust, longing, loss, treachery, betrayal, adultery, greed and mayhem are rollicking good fun, not to mention the precondition for shamelessly ravishing music. His crowd is mostly staunch opera fans, but for the curious and newbies, there's no better welcome to the circle of devotees. 

Best Place for Curious Claustrophobics to Feel Cozy With Killer Music Programing

Woodruff's Bar

36 E. Cross St., Ypsilanti; woodruffsbar.com

This Ypsi venue has lots of space, but not all amassed in one area, but that doesn't take away from its cozy ambience, which is particularly augmented by the stone fireplace that stands in the room's center like an ornate tree stump. This place is nearing its 18-month anniversary. (What is that, the tin anniversary?) It attracts much of the same Elbow Room crowd, but also a notably wider breadth of musical performing styles and talents — from, yes, indie-rock and neo-folk to rousing bluegrass and punk, and even jazz and some electro-dance from time to time. Situated in the heart of Depot Town, just off the train tracks, Woodruff's has made admirable efforts to foster regular rotation of engaging weekly programming — from new-wave, post-punk DJ Nights (Absolute Beginners) to Hairy Karaokee nights to acoustic open-mic nights, even a monthly drag show! This is a great room; yes, the vintage arcade playing space is a bit cramped and it is awkward dancing around the old fireplace and maybe you feel even more awkward standing to the side of the stage in front of barstool revelers, but, on particularly packed nights, if you add in the pool table and loitering-friendly floorspace near the usual merch table area, this building can feel like you're in four or five different rooms at once. Eclectic entertainment and curiously cozy. 

Best Irish Bar, Kinda

St. CeCe's

1426 Bagley St., Detroit; 313-962-2121; saintceces.com

So, what happens when you mix the cozy, neighborhood ambience of a proper Irish pub with a welcoming staff and a cast of regulars who remind you that not all Detroit bars obey the rules of either hipster-baiting or divey obscurity? St. Cece's is what happens. (See, St. Cece is the patron saint of whiskey.) The former Baile Corcaigh at the corner of Bagley and Trumbull (just up the street from Hello Records) is a stained-glass and wood-paneled port in the nightlife storm. A joint where you can have a conversation, swap a few jokes and feel left-in even when no one actually knows your name. There's a crackling fireplace to warm by when the weather is beating you down and the smell of the fireplace remains and adds an olfactory comfort even when the temps are balmy. Co-owners Colleen and Celeste Belanger (along with brother Jerry) know what the hell they're doing when it comes to running a bar (see also: Cliff Bell's, Park Bar). And any joint that can A) be the place where Van Dyke Parks ends up holding court at closing time and B) keeps the lights on long enough to let him play an impromptu concert for an audience of 15 has a lot to recommend it out of the gate.

Best Place to Drink

Like a Viking

Kuhnhenn Brewing Co 

5919 Chicago Rd., Warren; 586-979-8361; kbrewery.com

Neighborhood micro breweries are becoming commonplace these days but while everybody and their cousin can whip up a decent IPA, it takes someplace special to offer up a whole menu of mead, the ancient beverage made from fermented stuff and honey. That magical joint is Kuhnhenn Brewing Co, a convivial wood-lined drinking hall, which is one of the super coolest things in all of industrial Warren. Along with a delicious, ever-evolving lineup of finely crafted beers and wine, there is that incredible mead, served in a dizzying array of flavors, the sort of hearty drink that the Mighty Thor or Lemmy might chug a barrel of before slaying an army of frost giants. The adventurous might also sample the award-winning Fourth Demntia Olde Ale, a thick, highly sophisticated concoction with notes of chocolate, figs and burnt coffee, tasting something like the bottom of a wizard's cauldron. It's a powerful brew to tackle, but at 13.5 percent ABV, you'll probably only need one. Probably.

Best Drinking Trend

Craft cocktails

The cocktail is to drinks what jazz is to music — our distinctly American contribution to the art form. For decades, that heritage was obscured by shelves of flavored vodka and gallons of artificial food coloring. No longer. Sure, Detroit caught up to the craft cocktail resurgence a bit late, but 2011 was unquestionably our year for the cocktail: Fresh squeezed juices, rye whiskey, house-made syrups, perfectly cubed ice and herb-infused booze have arrived. And they're here to stay. Sidle up to the bars at the Sugar House in Detroit, the Oakland in Ferndale, the Last Word in Ann Arbor, or a half-dozen other spots and see what's shaken — or stirred. 

Best Place to Play 

With a Mother

RGB Trio's Thursday Jam at Bert's Marketplace

2727 Russell St., Detroit; 313-567-2030

So you're a musician looking to up your cred in the musical version of Six Degrees of Separation? The RGB Trio's Thursday jazz (mostly) jam at Bert's is a one-stop of Kevin Baconian importance. Bassist Ralphe Armstrong is a former Mother of Invention, former member of the Mahavishnu Orchestra, sideman to Miles Davis, Jean Luc Ponty, Aretha Franklin, James Carter, etc. (He's also a son of late roots giant Howard "Louie Bluie" Armstrong.) Drummer Gayelynn McKinney hails from the musical McKinney clan (she's a daughter of the late jazz-scene sage and Tribe member Harold McKinney), is a member of Grammy-nominated Straight Ahead, and has played with folks from Geri Allen to Benny Golson (the latter just a bit ago at the Dirty Dog — smokin' sets there). Pianist Bill Meyer is a former musical director for Martha Reeves and go-to guy for such ambitious projects as the Mosaic Youth Theatre's Motown show (see above). Plus you never know who else will show up to jam (Martha Reeves, James Carter, Larry Smith, out-of-towners looking for after-the-show action). 

Best Suburban Punk Hangout That's Not a Joke

Woodward Avenue Brewers

22646 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; 248-546-3696; thewabsite.com

Aside from brewing some of the best Mitten-made beer and beyond, the WAB is a major meet-up for Ferndale punks, hipsters and indie kids. With the Loving Touch nearby, the vibe of the whole place is very punk rock in the sense that it's inviting and warm like a UK local, but there's food, a happy hour and an inside aesthetic that's both fetching and cozy. Staff's cool too (includes Stevie Michael of the Grande Nationals and Running With Panthers). Live bands perform on occasion, but this place is about hanging with pals and like-minded souls. Drew Podgorski of Running With Panthers says that, "The WAB is the punk rock Cheers."

Best Club That's 

Not Open at All

Old Nasty Yacht Club

West Fort Street, Detroit

Two years ago, Detroiter Patrick Jarvis and two friends pooled together a few thousand dollars and bought a building on Fort Street — apparently, just for laughs. They hadn't realized the building was quite so decrepit, and weren't sure what to do with the property, other than chase out the occasional crackhead who broke in looking for loot. When some of their friends decided to join the Detroit Yacht Club, Jarvis and company jokingly decided to create their own yacht club. And so they spraypainted the words "Old Nasty Yacht Club" on the front of the building, complete with a little image of a boat. Something about the tag captured people's imaginations, and it wound up on local artist Scott Hocking's bad graffiti photo blog (scotthocking.com/badgraffiti.html). Some east siders even starting printing up novelty T-shirts with a logo and the nonexistent club's name. Jarvis says, "We found out about that and we were really confused. Like, what? You're not even members!"

Best Night to Laugh

Thursday

Various locations

You've got to have a sense of humor to tough it out in a town where even the manholes are steaming mad. Fortunately there is a pretty vibrant standup comedy scene bubbling up here, one that's whacked, raw and as fucked-up as our rusty burg. While big-name headliners own weekends, Thursday night's ripe is for emerging talent slugging it out at the various open mics that can be found everywhere from the east side to Hamtrammck, where the Painted Lady sports an "alternative" showcase hosted by tough-talking derby girl Lauren Uchalik. The wildest of them all is at O'Mara's in Berkley, a cozy brunch spot by day, but an inventive, rudely funny showcase on Thursday nights, hosted by the unpredictable Harry Artin, who stokes the rowdy comedy spirit of the late, lamented Club Bart Thursday show.

Best In-Yer-Face 

Music Venue, Detroit

PJ's Lager House

1254 Michigan Ave., Detroit; 313-961-4668; 

pjslagerhouse.com

With the Hamtown's Belmont shuttered and various upscale-esque venues now littering the metro area, spit 'n' sawdust venues such as the Lager House, which are an essential part of Detroit music, get more and more precious. Lager House owner PJ is trying his damnedest to keep that spirit moving forward, and he's succeeding thanks to a great sound system and a consistently high-quality list of killer, under-the-radar bands from here and afar that choose the venue whenever possible. To wit: Lettercamp singer Liz Wittman says the Lager's "a no B.S. place to play. You show up, you set up, you play. It's also a pretty intimate setting, whether you are playing a show or seeing one. There's little disconnect between the audience and the artist. I dig that."

Best In-Yer-Face 

Music Venue, Burbs

Berkley Front

3087 12 Mile Rd., Berkley; 248-547-3331

Berkley's a fairly quiet little burb, but with a little rockabilly aesthetic and hip-hop development. Even the barber shop, the Chop Shop, sorta fits the 'billy image — hot rods and Morrissey (?!) on the wall, Elvis crooning in the background. The Berkley Front, while not exclusively a rockabilly venue, has that sort of old-school feel about it. The beer selection is great, the downstairs bar is a sweet place to shoot billiards, and the bands and hip-hop artists who play upstairs are consistently worth seeing. No shit. Jeff Howitt of Duende! even compares the venue to the legendary Manhattan rock 'n' roll launch spot. He says you can "close the deal downstairs in the Bier Garden, then you can go upstairs and it's like Max's Kansas City." You best believe I'm in love — L-U-V.

Best Michigan Beer Bar, Downriver

The Rockery

1175 Eureka Rd., Wyandotte; 734-281-4629; rockerywyandotte.com

Specializing in Michigan brews, beer nuts can expect suds from everyplace from Arbor Brewing to Short's, as well as cider from J.K.'s Scrumpy and meads from B. Nektar Meadery. The four taps all pour Michigan beer, and there are more than 90 Michigan bottles to choose from. Burgers, chicken strips and other finger foods will help bring you back from the brink. In addition to live music Friday nights and karaoke Saturday nights, they regularly host events, posted on their website, that can be quite interesting. Tastings bring in local brewers, offering quaffers the chance to taste many different brews for a fixed price; past events have included Frog Island Brewery. It's also where the Downriver Women's Craft Beer Lovers Society often meets, and their inaugural guest was the first certified female cicerone, Annette May, from Merchant's Fine Wine in Dearborn. 

Best Stylish Smorgasbord of Local Coffee, Music, Beer, Art

Café Ollie

42 E. Cross St., Ypsilanti; 734-482-8050

Café Ollie's just a hopscotch down from the main live music venue in Ypsi's Depot Town; it's got a somewhat heavy door, echoey wood floors, hot zingy coffee and a fine menu friendly to all, particularly vegans. It sounds like your typical college town hub — before you find out how much more it's got going for it, such as tall bookshelves displaying various local releases, CDs, cassettes and vinyl (7-inch, 10-inch, 12-inch). The shelf is consistently updated month-to-month, keeping pace with the ever-industrious community of DIY-musicians situated in the Ann Arbor-Ypsi area (and beyond). A place for lunch as much a place for expanding your engagement with local culture, a place for homework and laptop clattering as much a place to network and soundboard potential song ideas with new collaborators. Over the winter they started a Sunday night acoustic open-mic night ("Ypsi Facto") and for Detroiters heading westward to a Woodruff's show or something at Ann Arbor's Blind Pig or the Ark, this is an ideal place to stop, just north of the freeway, to caffeinate before your night's planned high jinks.