Live from the Webbys

by Frank Sennett
5/17/00

NO, IT'S NOT AN OSCAR: The Webby (above)

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Feeling every bit like a pep rally for an industry under siege, last week’s fourth annual Webby Awards (www.webbys.com) ceremony in San Francisco couldn’t conceal with glamour the uneasy sense that most of the dotcommandos in attendance may have more to celebrate in their past than in their future.

Their stocks hammered, their venture-capital opportunities drying up and their technological leaders under siege in court, the 135 nominated sites in 27 categories sought refuge from the market’s suddenly harsh realities under the cloak of fabulousness woven by MC Alan Cumming (who, incidentally, won a Tony Award on Broadway for his role in Cabaret, about a decadent culture on the brink of oblivion).

But for every spot-on Cumming ad-lib and MTV Movie Awards-style introductory clip, there was a moment acknowledging that the law of gravity now applies to the sector many recently suspected could avoid all economic downdrafts.

Webby Awards founder Tiffany Shlain, in a bustier dress with neon-blue stripes, told the faithful that while the Web once "brought together all of us who hated high school," in the last year the speculative frenzy has "brought in all the people who really loved high school."

Cumming repeatedly attacked Dr. Dre and Metallica for suing the music-file sharing software firm Napster in a desperate attempt to protect their creative work from piracy.

"They look like old farts and they can’t even sing," Cumming warbled during his parody number, "These Are a Few of My Internet Things."

Later, he noted that Dre’s attack on the Web’s info-wants-to-be-free culture did not affect the rapper’s "continued support of crack-smoking pimps who slap their bitches."

And then there was the guy who accepted the Webby for best Activism site on behalf of Adbusters (adbusters.org), using his five-word-limited speech to shout out a presumably ironic "Three letters: IPO."

This was after Cumming took a digital photo of the audience, exhorting the crowd to say "venture capital."

The wry Scottish actor also took pains to note that calling the Webbys the Oscars of the Internet is a bit of a misnomer. "The Webbys are the antidote to the Oscars," he suggested.

Cumming needn’t have wasted his breath spinning against the hype. It was clear throughout the evening the Webbys have yet to transcend their status as an insider industry event to give Internet addicts the same vicarious thrill the Academy Awards show provides movie lovers. The Oscars are so important to LA that Spago tore down one of its walls this year to accommodate the event’s glitziest shindig. The Webbys were criticized by neighboring Nob Hill residents for erecting a party tent in the park across the street from host venue the Masonic Auditorium.

At the Oscars, seats are packed and fans camp out to see the stars arrive. The Webbys had entire seating sections open and the only true stars there – Cumming, Sandra Bernhard, San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown and Talk editor Tina Brown – came from other walks of public life.

At the Oscars, everyone in attendance claps for all the nominees, but at the Webbys, often only representatives of nominated companies applauded for their sites. Full audience applause was reserved for such indie darlings as Napster, Slashdot, The Onion, Google, Kozmo (kozmo.com), and, of course, "I Kiss You!!!!!" mascot Mahir, the Weird Site nominee who presented the Personal Site award.

The crowd even booed a few nominees, notably eToys and MarthaStewart.com.

On the positive side, even though the Webbys started 20 minutes late and lasted a good 15 minutes beyond its promised 85-minute run time, the event still moved at light speed compared to the leaden Oscars telecast.

There were touches of wonderful anarchy as well, from the synchronized rappelling team that dropped down on ropes suspended from the ceiling, to the protest.net nominees arriving in gas masks, to the woman who delighted the filing-in crowd by exposing her ample left breast to the hallway camera feeding images to the oval screen above the stage.

And this was still a night when high-school losers walked home winners, clutching the metal coil on a stand known as Webby.

In addition to Adbusters taking home the silvery spring in the Activism category, other Webby winners, and their five-word speeches, included:

Web Stalker (www.backspace.org/iod/iod4Winupdates.html) for Arts. Speech: "Technical innovation equals class war."

Cafe Utne (cafe.utne.com/cafe) for Community. Speech: "Thanks. Come talk with us."

Paul Smith (www.paulsmith.co.uk) for Fashion. The speech, delivered by a knockout blonde model: "I am not Paul Smith."

Atomfilms.com for Film. Speech: "Thanks to the filmmakers," said one Atom Films rep. Using the fifth allotted word, another intoned, "Banana."

Gomez.com for Finance. Speech: "Can you spell quiet period?"

ThriveOnline.com for Health. Speech: "It just took four years."

TheOnion.com for Humor. Speech: "They said I could only ..."

Epicurious.com for Living. Speech: "Is this thing edible?"

Stileproject.com for Weird. Speech: "Stile sux."

VideoFarm.com for Broadband. Speech: "Putting video into everybody's hands."

BabyCenter.com for Commerce. Speech: "Thank you, Matt and Mark."

Politics.com for Politics & Law. Speech: "Bear. Wadsworth. Pain. Touchscreen. Pemican." (At least I think that's what he said.)

Jim Romenesko's Media News (http://www.poynter.org/medianews) for News. Perhaps not expecting to pull a major upset on the likes of ABCNews.com, the Web's hardest-working linkalist was not on hand to accept his Webby. The man who grabbed the award for him said only, "I am not Jim Romenesko."

Nerve.com for Print & Zines. After trying-to-stay-vital presenter Tina Brown told the restive crowd, "I've never seen so many snazzy revolutionaries in my life," the winner delivered a snazzy speech: "Shucks. Screw with your minds."

Merriam-Webster’s WordCentral.com for Education. A wannabe librarian delivered the speech, using five big dictionary words, including onomatopoeia, which she mispronounced before Cumming almost had to force her offstage.

Scholastic.com for the new Kids award. No one showed up to collect the coil, prompting Cumming to note, "It's called Scholastic.com and they don't come to school."

LostandFoundSound.com for Radio. Speech: "Viva las Webbys and NPR."

Communication's past met communication's future when the prehistoric cave-painting site The Cave of Lascaux (www.culture.fr/culture/arcnat/lascaux) won for Science. Speech: "Definitely French. Thank You, San Francisco."

Evite.com for Services. Speech: "Friends, it's time to party."

ESPN.com for Sports. Speech: "Thank you, sports fans."

Google.com for Technical Achievement. Speech: "We love you, Google users." Dressed in matching hockey jerseys and skating on Rollerblades, the Google contingent then managed to navigate the steps offstage without any major crashes.

Outside Online (www.outsidemag.com) for Travel. Speech: "Thank you. Now get outside."

MSNBC.com for TV. Breaking the rules like a true Microsoft rep, the man accepting the award delivered a seven-word speech: "We all have a story to tell."

CockyBastard.com for Personal site. Speech: "Let's play. Feel the love."

But it was the winners of the special San Francisco Museum of Modern Art Webby Prize for Excellence in Online Art, Michael Samyn and Auriea Harvey, who stole the show in its final moments by engaging in a steamy makeout session onstage. As the GameSpy.com winner so aptly put it earlier, "Everyone likes the licky-licky."

Frank Sennett edits Newcity.com.  Adam Druckman returns May 31.